Thursday, March 10, 2011

(more than a ) few words.

I'm supposed to blog about my day today, but I'm kind of at a loss for words.

It's not that my day was awful, it was terribly average if anything... but my mood is sour, and my words are few.

I puttered around the house this morning, putting things in order, attending to errands that needed doing, then I headed off to work. It was steady, but not too busy, and I was able to close up shop pretty quickly.

I just can't shake this mood. I'm going to go ahead and blame my hormones. After three cycles on Clomid, I'm all out of whack and nothing seems to be going normally with my body this month. That has to be it.

After work I played with the dog a while before heading up to the office to check my emails before bed. I decided to have a look at my RSS feed reader. One of the woman I read is having twins. The jealousy hit me like a kick to the chest.

The mix of frustration, envy, anger and self-pity that I'm feeling sickens me. I don't want to be that woman who can't be happy for others who are more fortunate. The self-centeredness of my feelings is gross.

I don't know how to deal with this, but I know that I need to. I can't live my life this way... it is neither productive, nor healthy.

Huh. I guess I did have a few words after all.

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