Friday, November 1, 2013

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

eleven months!

My wee Turtle is going to be a year old in less than three weeks. I wish I had the energy to write about all the ways she has brought joy to our lives, and all the hilarious and adorable things she does, but there's only about forty minutes left of her nap time, and this Momma's got coffee that needs drinking, and a floor that needs scrubbed! :)


Monday, August 5, 2013

tragedy and magnitude of privilege

I found this on Pinterest -- I'm not certain of the quote's origin, but it rings so true to me, that I need to share it.


Wednesday, May 22, 2013

content?

In an effort to clean up my hard drive a wee bit, I was sorting and simplifying my files, when re-discovered a folder titled "blog content?" which contains a very random collection of images from last year.

I have long since forgotten the context of many of these photos, so I think the best plan is to toss them all up here together, and let them speak for themselves.

So... yeah.

Ta daaaah!!






(I can tell you that these next two are pre-wrapping, and wrapped gifts for a family that my workplace sponsored for Christmas this past holiday season... hurray for context!)
















Sunday, March 17, 2013

Epitaph





John Green posted this on his tumblr last week, and I keep coming back to it to read it again, it struck me so.  I feel like I need to put it here as well.

Monday, February 18, 2013

clearing out

I've been getting the itch to do some spring cleaning a bit earlier than usual this year.  I was tackling the kitchen "junk" drawer, when I found this item in the very back:



My heart sank, just a bit, and I could feel the familiar fog of grief starting to creep in.

Sadness was streaming over me, as I was reminded that I will never need to take one of these tests again, since the surgery last fall.  I thought about how appropriate the term "barren" really was, now that the lining of my uterus was removed and cauterized... depleted, empty, fruitless.

Then I felt intensely guilty as I heard Emma yawn in the next room.  I felt as if the longing I was feeling in that moment, the remembrance of the years of trying, hoping, grieving, and trying again... it was insulting to my beautiful baby, that I would ever feel regret or yearning for another, an other, child.

I have what I had always longed for - an incredible little girl, who fills our house with so much joy and completes our family. She snapped me back out of my self-indulgent moment, and gave me the strength to throw the test away, and with it the last of my guilt over not being able to sustain another life within myself.

My goal, throughout this journey - I should say *our* goal, as it is the same for The Boy as it is for me - has been to be a parent, not to biologically pass on my genes.

I don't need this test anymore, just as I don't need to be pregnant and experience childbirth to be a mother. And I absolutely do not need to feel bad about my journey to parenthood anymore.

Closure, that is what I found tonight, in the back of a kitchen junk drawer.

(which, fyi, now looks lovely and organized!)


Friday, January 11, 2013

Purpose

It's been one of those nights where I click a link in a blog post, which leads to another, and another, and then a video, an article, another blog, a Google search, several more articles, and now I'm sitting here two hours later, soaked in tears, seriously considering making some plans for my future which are very different from anything I had previously considered.

I don't think there is an appropriate emoticon for that.