"It's a funny thing about life: if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it." - W. Somerset Maugham
I am very fond of the quote above... I plan to make it my reality. At least that's what I keep telling myself.
There are a few obstacles that I need to over come first, the least of all being our financial situation, and being able to secure some sort of a start up loan or coming up with another plan to get my initial working capital.
The biggest obstacle, of course, is my own fear. Hate it though I do, my little cubicle is a pretty safe place to be. The company might be affected by the recession, but I am really good at my job, and have confidence that my job is secure. I don't make a great deal of money, but it is consistent, and I have a great health plan, and RRSP's, and paid vacation, and all those lovely things that come from gainful employment.
The only problem is that when I get up in the morning, I instantly have this dreadful feeling in my stomach. If I think about the day ahead of me, of the conflicts I'm going to have to deal with, the certain individual who has taken it upon herself to make my day as difficult as possible, and the monotony of my daily tasks as a dutiful worker bee, the pressure in my chest grows and grows... sometimes I feel like I might be crushed under the weight of the anxiety I feel when I think about my job, and the dead-end road that I am currently on.
I am in a constant state of conflict with myself, because although I am so unhappy, I know that I should be thankful to even have a job at all. I get a paycheque every other week, and for that I am so grateful... the problem is that I don't get much else... at least not anything else positive.
When I think about working for myself, I get excited. I feel hopeful and energized. I feel as though I can accomplish anything. I know... I sound like an after school special on believing in yourself... you can do it champ! *wink*
I feel bad complaining about my situation at work, because it's not *that* bad, and I feel like I should just suck it up and be grateful for what I've got... but I want something more.
Do I have it in me to take that leap?