Grace in small things part 41

1. taking the dog for a walk with the boy
   
2. holding hands with the boy while we walk
3. the sweet stickiness of the summer air and the cool breeze that makes it actually feel pleasant
4. eating a bowl of lucky charms at 10:30pm, because I wanted to, and will not feel guilty about it
5. the little coagulated sugary bits that are allegedly marshmallows in lucky charms... so tasty...who knew this crap actually tastes good to people older than seven?

I am participating in Grace in Small Thing

a ferocious beast

This is Professor Dustin Robert Meliton...or Dusty for short.

Yes, I know it's really annoying that he has a ridiculous name like that... and it's not really his name anywhere else but on his vet file... but it's silly... and I like silly... sometimes you have find ways to inject joy into your life, to lift you out of the mundane every day life crap... and I choose to do that by giving my pets preposterous monikers that begin with titles like "Professor" and "The Right Honourable".

I snapped this photo of him mid-yawn when he was perched on the corner of my desk, hovering over me as he likes to do at all times. He's still sporting his lion-cut hairstyle that he gets once a year to give him some relief from the summer heat, as well as give us some relief from his uncontrollable matting.

He looks intimidating, but he's a little love muffin once you get to know him. He is now twelve years old, and has been with us for four and a half years. When we adopted him from the Toronto Humane Society, he was so scrawny and sickly and quite ornery. It's taken him this many years to finally trust us enough that he can now fall asleep on my lap, though he still doesn't jump up on us without coaxing.

He loves to be scratched under the chin, and he's always somewhere nearby, watching and waiting for you to notice him and give him a pet. At night when I'm brushing my teeth, he hops up on the vanity and rubs against my belly and meows until I pet or brush him while I attempt to complete my nightly routine with my free hand. He's sweetie, and he often affectionately head bumps me and the boy, so we know that he's just as fond of us as we are of him.

Grace in small things part 40

1. quitting my job, at last (though not a small thing, it needed to be on the list!)
2. feeling completely anxiety-free since Friday afternoon
3. having a lot of fun working on Halloween themed items for my Etsy store
4. had a very relaxing, and refreshing two-hour nap this afternoon
5. not dreading going back to the office on Monday... for the first time in months!

I am participating in Grace in Small Things

i did it

I handed in my resignation today. I'm going for it... I'm going to be my own boss.

I gave them almost four weeks' notice (should that be possessive? I feel like the word "weeks" should have an apostrophe, but it looks a little awkward. Anyway...) which is a little long for a sales support position, and much more than the obligatory two, but I am the resident trainer, and if I don't stick around long enough to train my replacement, I would feel really shitty about leaving someone else to do it.

So yeah... I'm all courteous and shit.

The boss asked me if there was anything he could say or offer to persuade me reconsider, but I explained my master plan to him, and he gets it... he appreciated my desire to pursue my art, and he might even be commissioning a painting or set of paintings for his soon-to-be-born daughter's nursery. He gave me a hug, and I instantly felt a little guilty about all the horrible things I had felt and said about my work and my work environment. He's a really nice man, and he genuinely wishes me well, and I am happy that he and many of my soon-to-be-former-coworkers are supportive of my business plan.

I'm really happy. And excited. And nervous.

I've got so much to do!

Grace in small things part 39

1. laying in bed, all warm and cozy, listening to the rolling thunder and wind gusts of the summer storm outside
2. fresh cucumbers from my garden
3. feeling more creative and productive than I have in a long time
4. the pretty yard down the street with oodles of hollyhocks in a rainbow of colours
5. my newly charcoal-coloured walls in our basement den

I am participating in Grace in Small Things

"Lovely"

Grace in small things part 38

1. finally getting around to getting the basement painted
   (almost... the baseboards still need to be done, but the bulk of the work is done)
2. sleeping in for nine days in a row... can I get a "Woot Woot!" for vacations?
3. deciding to make our vacation a "stay-cation", and having it be lovely and productive and completely what we needed
   
4. rearranging our office space into a more functional and aesthetically pleasing layout
5. being awakened (woken up? wakened up?I never get this one correct) by the boy rubbing my back and arms, and touching my face... so sweet!
   (and about a million times better than the usual alarm clock in the morning)

I am participating in Grace in Small Things

ZUCCHINI!

See those lovely, innocent little yellow blooms? So pretty, right? So fresh, and summery!

Wrong! They are bad, bad flowers. They will bring zucchini... and zucchini has become my nemesis.

My refrigerator is overflowing with giant green phallic shaped vegetables. The refrigerators of my coworkers and family members are being overtaken as well by these evil little beasts. I've contemplated sitting out on my front step and offering them to passers-by, or putting a basket-full at the end of my driveway that says "Zucchini, free to a good home!"

At first I was all "Yum!" and excited that my little garden experiment was proving fruitful. But the zucchini just kept coming... and these are no slender little pretty zucchini that you see at the grocery store... Nay, these are giant, robust zucchini that could inflict blunt force trauma if swung at someone. They pop up so quickly that I am picking some every other day... and they won't stop.

My vegetable garden has gone from this...


To this...


... in what feels like only a few days. And it does not show any signs of slowing down. The zucchini has grown so much more quickly than the other vegetables that the broad leaves create a canopy over some of the other plants, and I'm afraid that they will not be nearly as healthy or fruitful.

There are only so many times we can eat stir fry with zucchini, and grilled slices of zucchini, and steamed zucchini as a side dish, and pasta with zucchini, and zucchini grated into sauces... and zucchini... zucchini...

ZUCCHINI!

Lesson learned I suppose. The tomatoes and the zucchini will be planted on their own, outside the box next year. And I will only be planting one zucchini plant... and maybe I will neglect to water it sometimes... or something like that.

Anyone want some zucchini?

Serious.

on feeling normal

I didn't realize just how anxious I was really feeling, until I felt calm.

I never considered myself to be a stressed out or edgy person... people don't describe me as highly-strung or tightly wound (at least not to my face - ha!)... but I am coming to terms with the fact that I do indeed have anxiety, and the issues that come along with that.

The attacks are one thing... they are a blip... a bump... an event that affects only the time and space it occupies, and not the rest of my life. At least that's what I thought. I never realized how constant and persistent the anxiety was... how ingrained it was in what I had considered to be my usual way of feeling, until it was gone.

So.

So the boy and I were in the car, driving to visit some friends the other weekend, talking about nothing in particular... I mentioned that I was feeling weird...

The Boy: Weird how? Are you Okay? Is it another attack?
Me: No! Please don't worry... I'm fine!
The Boy: Are you sure? How's your breathing?
Me: Not like that... I feel odd... good... but odd... it's like, this... nothingness...
The Boy: Nothingness?
Me: Yeah... I mean, I'm okay... it's just that... I don't know... I don't know how to describe it... I wouldn't say that I'm numb... it's just... I'm not particularly sad, but I'm not especially happy either... I'm... I just am.
The Boy: *laughs at me*
Me: What?
The Boy: So what you're saying is that you're relaxed.
Me: Huh. Yeah. I guess that's it.

And then we laughed... and laughed...

*sigh*

So I'm feeling more normal... and calm... at least most of the time. I'm still working with my doctor to get the right dosage levels and such... and then there's the impending counselling (Dun-dun-duuuhhnn!).

But there are still some days that are pretty rough. There are days when I have to try really hard to listen to that rational part of my brain that tells me that what I am feeling is temporary, and that tomorrow will be better... that I can handle whatever is happening... that I am indeed okay... and all that jazz...

Work in progress, right?

a symphony of snores

There are so many different creatures snoring around me, I'm not sure which one is coming from my husband...

I'm pretty sure the high-pitched, squeeky one is from our squishy-faced persian-ish cat Dusty, who is sleeping in the hallway.... and the one that vaguely sounds like a pigeon cooing is definitely from Molly, our big, chunky ball of fluffy-love kitty #2... but the other two snores are a toss up... one is the boy, and one is the pug...

It's a veritable symphony of snores around me. Joy.

I can't seem to sleep tonight (shocking!)... but at least I've been productive.

I just finished priming all the wood trim and the ugly wood-covered wall in the basement... I also sanded all the plastered spots on the basement walls, listed eleventymillion new things in my Etsy store, sent out annoying spam to my Facebook group members about a new special, watched a bunch of videos on Youtube, and thought about painting my toenails...

Okay... the last two weren't so productive, but it is quite a list for middle of the night on a Wednesday. Thankfully I do not have work tomorrow, as we are currently on holiday... enjoying a "staycation"... so if I do manage to get sleepy enough to actually fall asleep, I can stay in bed as late as I like... even if that means not dragging my butt out of bed until the pm... so there! How do you like that, evil insomnia gremlins!?

*groan*

I think I'm a little high from all the paint fumes.