Tuesday, December 29, 2009

fat & happy

We had the boy's family come to our house for Christmas dinner for the first time, and I loved every minute of it! I have the "cooking gene", as well as it's chubby little sister the "feed people as much as humanly possible" gene, so preparing dinner for nine was a happy chore for me.

I wasn't sure at first if we would be able to squeeze seven adults and two kids into our tiny eat-in kitchen area that we call the dining room, but thanks to some folding chairs, a poker table, and a group of people who don't mind rubbing elbows while they eat, we worked it out.

I might also have the "Martha Stewart" gene, because I even baked gingerbread cookies and added each person's name in frosting in lieu of a place bard.
*insert pleased-with-myself giggles here*


I decided to be ambitious and try cooking the turkey differently than I have in the past and used Alton Brown's brining method - and it turned out fabulously:


I also served buttermilk biscuits, green bean casserole, mashed potatoes, sweet potato casserole, dressing, candied carrots, creamy dill potato salad, as well as apple-caramel cheesecake and apple crisp with ice cream for dessert.

Don't you feel fatter just reading that? lol


The only way I was able to pull it off was baking the biscuit and the desserts the day before, and preparing the sweet potato casserole so it just needed to be popped in the oven to warm while I carved the bird. I made a detailed schedule and solid plan for the day of and stuck to it.

Afterwards we all piled down into the rec room and watched a movie. We had to set up the air mattress due to a lack of seating, but it meant that the kiddos had a comfy place to fall asleep, as well as prime cuddling opportunities, so it was a good thing.

Everyone left happy, and just a little fatter, so I'm calling it a job-well-done.

:)

Thursday, December 24, 2009

silver bells

My husband calls himself Roman Catholic (though non-practising) and I am an atheist (though I call myself a secular humanist), and we both love to celebrate Christmas (though in an entirely secular and commercially propogated way).

I am a big fan of hauling out our well-loved artificial tree and all the other sparkly, shiny bits that make our home feel so cheerful and inviting during the otherwise dull month of December.



Happy Holidays! :)

Sunday, December 20, 2009

This is going to hurt tomorrow...

For the record, tonight I consumed:
1 bottle of cabernet sauvignon
+ several shots of hypnotique
+ a shot of strange Japanese liquer that we only purchase because it has weird floating fruits in it (we referred to it as testicle juice for the rest of the night)
+ chocolate martinis made with white rum because there was no vodka around
= a very good evening that will surely result in a headache for me.

That probably did not make any sense, but I don't care, because I am very very drunk.

Why am I tryng to blog while I am drunk?

Just because.

Friday, December 4, 2009

and that's when I killed him your honour...

The boy has has a couple of running jokes that he thinks are positively hilarious. The main one is annoying me into saying things to him sarcastically, and then turning my sarcasm against me... another is taking movie quotes and bastardizing them for his own purposes. In this case it's the "I am dangerous... ice... man." from Top Gun.

I realize that explaining this all probably kills any inherent humour in the exchange to follow, but I felt you might need the back story to understand our insanity.

So I was laying in bed this morning beside the boy, after waking him up...

The Boy: "Your eyes look tired"

Me: "Yeah, I am"

The Boy: "Ice Man"

Me: "What?"

The Boy: "You ARE tired... ice... man"

Me: "Not what I said"

The Boy: "Yes it is."

Me: "No, I said Yeah, I am"

The Boy: "See!"

Me: "No. You said that my eyes looked tired, and I agreed, because I am tired. I said Yeah, I am"

The Boy: "No, you said I am... tired"

Me: "Yeah, that's totally what I said, exactly."

The Boy: "See... I told you. Ice man."

Me: "Wow."

The Boy: "Man, that joke is awesome... seven years, and it's still awesome."

Me: "Why? Must you always do that?"

The Boy: "Yes. SEVEN YEARS."

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Grace in small things - part 45

  1. a trip to the local farmer's market with the boy
  2. freshly made apple-cider doughnuts from the Mennonites
  3. imagining that the doves and finches are appreciative, and somehow know it's us who fills the feeders in our yard
  4. curling up on the sofa under a warm fleecy blanket
  5. watching tv with the boy, and providing our own colour commentary to the silliness on the screen
I am participating in Grace in Small Things

the almosts and could-have-beens

I've been feeling nauseous off and on for the past three days. I'm attributing it to my meds, or that I started taking the pre-natals again (just in case we ever get lucky), or that it's just another symptom of the foul mood I've been in lately.

I do my best not to let the boy know just how foul I'm feeling lately because he worries so much. It's probably counter-productive, since I end up feeling cruddy longer because I'm holding it in... but I don't like that look he gets when he's worried about me... his brow is knit with concern and he is determined to fix me... to take on my stress, or ask an endless stream of questions until he gets to the bottom of what's bothering me. Sometimes I don't want to have to explain that there is nothing in particular that is bothering me, it's just that I am bothered in general. Does that even make sense?

Probably not.

So I'm sitting at my desk, working away... reconciling receipts, listing prints, and sipping on room-temperature water, trying to ignore that wave of yuckiness (is too a word spellchecker! Because I said so, that's why!) that comes and goes. I put my head down on the desk periodically and wait for it to go away. I'm trying to ignore it because I'm sure that it's nothing. I really am.

I won't let my mind go there anymore... I used to get just a little bit excited if I started feeling nauseous, because it could mean that we had succeeded... that my biology wasn't a failure after all! I don't allow myself to get my hopes up anymore because I don't want to feel like I'm mourning every time I bleed... especially when it comes late, as it often does. I don't like imagining that we were (at least partially) successful, and maybe conception had in fact occurred, and it's more than run-of-the-mill menses being flushed away.

I don't like knowing that it is often the case... that my problem isn't entirely with conception, but with getting it to stick. I don't know how to stop myself from grieving the almosts and the could-have-beens.

Then I get angry with myself for feeling like I'm losing hope... for not being more positive. As if a smile on my face will somehow a baby make. I try not to let it get to me when people say "maybe if you weren't trying so hard" or "maybe if you just stopped thinking about it... it will happen when it is meant to". Because it's somehow my fault that my plumbing doesn't work, right? Clearly I am subconsciously and deliberately self-defeating, psychically destroying each zygote with my negative thoughts! Thank you for pointing that out to me - it's all so clear now!!!

Grrrrrrr!!!

I know... I don't need to be an asshole about it. It's not anyone else's fault either, and their intentions are not to make me feel worse. I know that I should lighten up, and that there are other (very expensive) options out there for me... for us... but it's hard to be positive when the chaos in your uterus matches the clutter in your mind.

I know I shouldn't dwell, and I'm not trying to be this way... I swear that I don't live in my own perpetual self-pity party. I'm actually a pretty bubbly person... but sometimes I'm a mess, and I wish I was just a little less so.

I'm rambling. Again.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

can I fake it 'till I make it?

I have these pictures in my mind that I need to get out.

That's the way my drawings and paintings start. But I try to get them out too quickly I think... I draw furiously, rushing to empty the image from my mind before it slips away, before the idea is gone... and the end result ends up feeling flat.

I feel like I should take more time with my pictures. Nurture them. Build them slowly, bits at a time. Leave them for a while and then revisit them. I beleive that this approach would produce better art... that the paintings and drawings, and little doodles and bits would have more emotion in them... I think that they would have more feeling, and consequently they would draw more people to them... maybe then I would be a "successful artist".

Maybe then more people would buy my work.

But I can't create this way. I want to. I need to. But I can't. Instead I am compelled to rush into it when the mood strikes, and work away at a feverish pace, producing many pieces in a night, until I am completely spent... until all the pictures and ideas are drained from my mind... my fingertips are numb... my hand is aching... my heart is empty... I push myself until I have to sleep.

It seems manic, almost. It is a little crazy, but that's the only way I know how to produce my art. One would think that this would result in fun, fiery paintings with lots of movement and texture and feeling... but what it produces are paintings of birds, and drawings of goldfish... sketches of dainty ballerinas in fluttery tutus.

If I'm feeling especially "indie" I might come up with a tattooed woman, or a sassy pin-up... but that's about as badass as my artwork can get.

I want more.

I want to produce giant pieces with thick flashes of colour, and found pieces of pages from old texts... swirling abstracts and striking colour fields... dark portraits of lost lovers with haunting eyes. But when I try to paint like that... when I try to get those images down on canvas, or paper, or whatever surface I can... what comes out feels fake. It feels like I'm trying too hard to be something that I'm not. It doesn't feel... authentic.

I don't know what I'm doing... I don't know who I am as an artist.

Why did I think this was a good idea again?

I get frustrated with myself for thinking that I could possibly make it as a full-time artist... as a small business owner... as my own boss. I'm not good enough. I'm not talented enough. I'm not strong enough. Sometimes I feel like I'm only pretending to be an artist, and that someone is going to notice... that they'll point out how there are too many brush strokes in that particular painting... I must have struggled to get the right gradation in the shading... Then everyone will know I'm not a "real" artist. I'm just good at faking it.

Okay. Breathe.

I know... we are all our own worst critics. I know that I can do more. I am capable. I am better than this. Maybe I just need to write affirmations like that all over my office and repeat them to myself all day... that wouldn't make me seem any more crazy, right?

Haha. Yup. Manic.

I don't know where I'm going with this, or why I even started typing this out. I probably shouldn't even hit publish. I don't know what I'm doing here, right now, this minute. Beating myself up because my sales aren't where I hoped they'd be when I decided to take this risk and focus on my art. What is the point of this? This isn't productive, and this won't help me be a better artist... and it's certainly doing nothing good for my level of anxiety.

I wish I could just get over myself and get on with it.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Grace in small things - part 44

  1. feeling prepared for my first ever trade show since starting to do my art full time
  2. how sweet and helpful the boy has been as preparations for this show have consumed my life recently
  3. the yumminess of light cream cheese on a toasted blueberry bagel
  4. the crisp smell of fall air in the morning
  5. the soft purring from one of my cats, Shadow, as she sprawls across my arms, on the desk between me and my laptop
I am participating in Grace in Small Things

Monday, November 2, 2009

This is the post where we cross over into too much information land... way, way TMI... A Public Service Announcement

I am sharing this as a note of warning to the ladies out there, so that they may learn from my daft mistake.

Always, and I mean ALWAYS... no matter what... even if you think your hands are clean...please, for the love of everything... make sure that you wash your hands thoroughly and completely before attempting to remove a Diva Cup...

Especially if you have very recently been rubbing Vicks Vapo-rub onto the chest of your ill husband.

*shudder*

Camphor and eucalyptus + sensitive lady bits = OW OW OW OW OMIGAWD OW!!!!!


That is all.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

two years

This post is for you, "the boy", the love of my life...


We've been married for two years today... we've been together for more than seven in total. You are still my favourite person in the whole world.



My best friend, my lover, my parter in life.


Happy Anniversary.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Grace in small things part 43


  1. enjoying the fall harvest of my vegetable garden
  2. cooking with the last zucchini from my garden, as well as freshly picked tomatoes, peppers and herbs - that it was the last zucchini might just be the best part...
  3. the way my house smells from the herbs and chicken - yum!
  4. the fizziness of grapefruit soda, and how it tickles the roof of my mouth
  5. a pretty pink scarf with black polka-dots on it
I am participating in Grace in Small Things

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

wind and rain and thunder and lightning

The sounds outside my office window are ferocious. I swear I can feel the house tremble from the thunder, and it's as if the whole structure is swaying, just slightly, from the force of the wind gusts. The rain sounds almost solid, beating against the glass. I've always loved a good thunderstorm. Ordinarily there is something about them that makes me feel peaceful... like drinking tea, curled up on the couch with a blanket. Tonight, or this morning rather, this particular storm sounds ominous and a little to close over the house... and the racket of it is doing nothing to improve my foul mood.

Maybe it's the quiet of this time in the morning that is amplifying the sounds and making them seem more powerful than they really are. Everyone else is in the deepest stages of sleep, and the house has settled...it's too early for people to be up and driving towards their day shifts, so the roads are free of traffic and the sidewalks are clear. The only sounds are the crashes from the sky and the howling wind. It's startling. It's haunting.

I keep toying with the idea of going outside and standing in the storm... face up to the sky... letting the rain and the wind whip my skin... allowing the cold to numb my body. I feel like maybe if I stand there long enough, and soak in enough of it, the numbness will reach my mind... and then I will have some rest tonight.

Typing that sentence feels melodramatic, and pitiful, and tired. It feels like I'm going on about nothing... like I have a woe-is-me attitude that would make you roll your eyes and think that I should just get over myself. You might think that I should just walk it off... suck it up... get on with it... I feel like I should be able to brush this aside... get over these feelings... but I can't... at least not tonight.

Tonight I am in a dark place. It's as if there is an invisible blanket wrapped around me... wrapping tighter and tighter... the pressure on my chest, and my temples, and my neck... my shoulders are tense and my legs are restless... I try to shake them out... shake it off... but the pressure keeps building... I feel as if I am burdened down with some great weight that I can't slide out from under. There is a buzzing in my ears... behind my eyes... a persistent hum that forces me to focus on little else but the pressure, and the tightness, and the humming, and this feeling like I need to run away somewhere and hide... somewhere that I can be still, and calm, and quiet.

And then there's a crash of thunder and I almost jump out of my skin. I'm nauseous and flighty and lethargic all at once. I'm a snivelling contradiction.

I focus on my breathing. Inhale deeply.... count to five.... hold it for five... exhale slowly... counting to five... hold it for five... inhale deeply... "Picture a plateau" the doctor has said... coping exercises... "Visualize yourself relaxing".... count to five... hold it for five...

The wind howls and breaks my focus... I want to cry... I want to cry out... I want to be okay.

I want to be better.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Grace in small things part 42

  1. having a three hour and fifty-four minute long telephone conversation with my sister
  2. being able to open up to my sister in ways that I haven't allowed myself in the past
  3. being able to listen to her, and be there for her as well
  4. remembering that we've gone through the same/similar crap, and that we're both just as damaged from it all
  5. feeling a little less alone in the world
I am participating in Grace in Small Thing

Monday, October 5, 2009

executive in charge of seat warming

Our pug, Trevor Beans Tiberious Meliton Esquire, has decided that he is on the company payroll. Yup, again with the ridiculous name on a pet. You can call him Trevor, or T-Dawg. He responds to both.

When I sleep in, and the boy is working in the office, Trevor likes to occupy my seat... he's our office assistant/executive in charge of seat warming.

(That wall of paper taped together on the left side, on the end of my desk is to keep evil cats from jumping up onto paintings that may be still wet and on the desktop)

Saturday, September 12, 2009

my new space

Friday was my last day at the soul-sucking cube job. My last day of staring at that computer monitor and those beige walls and that evil old crone with the awful bleached hairdo.

I'm going to miss some things about my cube job, of course. I made friends in the three years I was there... it's hard to spend nine hours a day, five days a week with a group of people, and not get close to at least some of them. I will miss those people, and I will miss our daily conversations. I will miss that place for the social interaction, and of course the consistent paycheque... but I am happy to be out of that cube... out of that space, and into my home office full-time.

This is what I will be staring at for hours on end now instead. I have done my best to create a functional, comfortable space where I can be creative and productive. It is well ordered, and tidy.


Now if only I could get the space inside my head in as good a shape, I would be set.

It's funny how the giant leaps have been the easiest things this past year... surprisingly... but the baby steps, the slow and steady pace of treating my issues and managing my anxiety and depression, that's what's really kicking my ass...

I'm afraid that if I can't get out of my head and get on with things... if I can't figure out these baby steps, and get one foot in front of the other when it comes to my thoughts and emotions... then there is no way I can be successful with my big plans. I don't know how to focus on the big picture and getting down to the business of my new business, when I'm smack in the middle of one of what the boy and I refer to as my "sad for no reason" times.

I know what to do, and how to do it, but sometimes it's so hard to keep my mind on my goals when all I want to do is lay down in my room with the curtains closed and a blanket over my head. I'm afraid that I won't be motivated to succeed now that I'm not tied to an office schedule that determined my hours of productivity. I'm afraid of spending too much time inside my head. I'm afraid that the relief I feel from no longer being stressed out about my previous job is nothing in comparison to what I've got ahead of me.

Left. Right. Left. Right. Left. Right....

Friday, August 21, 2009

Grace in small things part 41

  1. taking the dog for a walk with the boy
  2. holding hands with the boy while we walk
  3. the sweet stickiness of the summer air and the cool breeze that makes it actually feel pleasant
  4. eating a bowl of lucky charms at 10:30pm, because I wanted to, and will not feel guilty about it
  5. the little coagulated sugary bits that are allegedly marshmallows in lucky charms... so tasty...who knew this crap actually tastes good to people older than seven?
I am participating in Grace in Small Thing

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

a ferocious beast


This is Professor Dustin Robert Meliton...or Dusty for short.

Yes, I know it's really annoying that he has a ridiculous name like that... and it's not really his name anywhere else but on his vet file... but it's silly... and I like silly... sometimes you have find ways to inject joy into your life, to lift you out of the mundane every day life crap... and I choose to do that by giving my pets preposterous monikers that begin with titles like "Professor" and "The Right Honourable".

I snapped this photo of him mid-yawn when he was perched on the corner of my desk, hovering over me as he likes to do at all times. He's still sporting his lion-cut hairstyle that he gets once a year to give him some relief from the summer heat, as well as give us some relief from his uncontrollable matting.

He looks intimidating, but he's a little love muffin once you get to know him. He is now twelve years old, and has been with us for four and a half years. When we adopted him from the Toronto Humane Society, he was so scrawny and sickly and quite ornery. It's taken him this many years to finally trust us enough that he can now fall asleep on my lap, though he still doesn't jump up on us without coaxing.

He loves to be scratched under the chin, and he's always somewhere nearby, watching and waiting for you to notice him and give him a pet. At night when I'm brushing my teeth, he hops up on the vanity and rubs against my belly and meows until I pet or brush him while I attempt to complete my nightly routine with my free hand. He's sweetie, and he often affectionately head bumps me and the boy, so we know that he's just as fond of us as we are of him.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Grace in small things part 40

  1. quitting my job, at last (though not a small thing, it needed to be on the list!)
  2. feeling completely anxiety-free since Friday afternoon
  3. having a lot of fun working on Halloween themed items for my Etsy store
  4. had a very relaxing, and refreshing two-hour nap this afternoon
  5. not dreading going back to the office on Monday... for the first time in months!
I am participating in Grace in Small Things

Friday, August 14, 2009

i did it

I handed in my resignation today. I'm going for it... I'm going to be my own boss.

I gave them almost four weeks' notice (should that be possessive? I feel like the word "weeks" should have an apostrophe, but it looks a little awkward. Anyway...) which is a little long for a sales support position, and much more than the obligatory two, but I am the resident trainer, and if I don't stick around long enough to train my replacement, I would feel really shitty about leaving someone else to do it.

So yeah... I'm all courteous and shit.

The boss asked me if there was anything he could say or offer to persuade me reconsider, but I explained my master plan to him, and he gets it... he appreciated my desire to pursue my art, and he might even be commissioning a painting or set of paintings for his soon-to-be-born daughter's nursery. He gave me a hug, and I instantly felt a little guilty about all the horrible things I had felt and said about my work and my work environment. He's a really nice man, and he genuinely wishes me well, and I am happy that he and many of my soon-to-be-former-coworkers are supportive of my business plan.

I'm really happy. And excited. And nervous.

I've got so much to do!

Monday, August 10, 2009

Grace in small things part 39

  1. laying in bed, all warm and cozy, listening to the rolling thunder and wind gusts of the summer storm outside
  2. fresh cucumbers from my garden
  3. feeling more creative and productive than I have in a long time
  4. the pretty yard down the street with oodles of hollyhocks in a rainbow of colours
  5. my newly charcoal-coloured walls in our basement den
I am participating in Grace in Small Things

Sunday, August 9, 2009

"Lovely"

Grace in small things part 38

  1. finally getting around to getting the basement painted
    (almost... the baseboards still need to be done, but the bulk of the work is done)
  2. sleeping in for nine days in a row... can I get a "Woot Woot!" for vacations?
  3. deciding to make our vacation a "stay-cation", and having it be lovely and productive and completely what we needed
  4. rearranging our office space into a more functional and aesthetically pleasing layout
  5. being awakened (woken up? wakened up?I never get this one correct) by the boy rubbing my back and arms, and touching my face... so sweet!
    (and about a million times better than the usual alarm clock in the morning)
I am participating in Grace in Small Things

Saturday, August 8, 2009

ZUCCHINI!


See those lovely, innocent little yellow blooms? So pretty, right? So fresh, and summery!

Wrong! They are bad, bad flowers. They will bring zucchini... and zucchini has become my nemesis.

My refrigerator is overflowing with giant green phallic shaped vegetables. The refrigerators of my coworkers and family members are being overtaken as well by these evil little beasts. I've contemplated sitting out on my front step and offering them to passers-by, or putting a basket-full at the end of my driveway that says "Zucchini, free to a good home!"

At first I was all "Yum!" and excited that my little garden experiment was proving fruitful. But the zucchini just kept coming... and these are no slender little pretty zucchini that you see at the grocery store... Nay, these are giant, robust zucchini that could inflict blunt force trauma if swung at someone. They pop up so quickly that I am picking some every other day... and they won't stop.

My vegetable garden has gone from this...


To this...


... in what feels like only a few days. And it does not show any signs of slowing down. The zucchini has grown so much more quickly than the other vegetables that the broad leaves create a canopy over some of the other plants, and I'm afraid that they will not be nearly as healthy or fruitful.

There are only so many times we can eat stir fry with zucchini, and grilled slices of zucchini, and steamed zucchini as a side dish, and pasta with zucchini, and zucchini grated into sauces... and zucchini... zucchini...

ZUCCHINI!

Lesson learned I suppose. The tomatoes and the zucchini will be planted on their own, outside the box next year. And I will only be planting one zucchini plant... and maybe I will neglect to water it sometimes... or something like that.

Anyone want some zucchini?

Serious.

Friday, August 7, 2009

on feeling normal

I didn't realize just how anxious I was really feeling, until I felt calm.

I never considered myself to be a stressed out or edgy person... people don't describe me as highly-strung or tightly wound (at least not to my face - ha!)... but I am coming to terms with the fact that I do indeed have anxiety, and the issues that come along with that.

The attacks are one thing... they are a blip... a bump... an event that affects only the time and space it occupies, and not the rest of my life. At least that's what I thought. I never realized how constant and persistent the anxiety was... how ingrained it was in what I had considered to be my usual way of feeling, until it was gone.

So.

So the boy and I were in the car, driving to visit some friends the other weekend, talking about nothing in particular... I mentioned that I was feeling weird...

The Boy: Weird how? Are you Okay? Is it another attack?
Me: No! Please don't worry... I'm fine!
The Boy: Are you sure? How's your breathing?
Me: Not like that... I feel odd... good... but odd... it's like, this... nothingness...
The Boy: Nothingness?
Me: Yeah... I mean, I'm okay... it's just that... I don't know... I don't know how to describe it... I wouldn't say that I'm numb... it's just... I'm not particularly sad, but I'm not especially happy either... I'm... I just am.
The Boy: *laughs at me*
Me: What?
The Boy: So what you're saying is that you're relaxed.
Me: Huh. Yeah. I guess that's it.

And then we laughed... and laughed...

*sigh*

So I'm feeling more normal... and calm... at least most of the time. I'm still working with my doctor to get the right dosage levels and such... and then there's the impending counselling (Dun-dun-duuuhhnn!).

But there are still some days that are pretty rough. There are days when I have to try really hard to listen to that rational part of my brain that tells me that what I am feeling is temporary, and that tomorrow will be better... that I can handle whatever is happening... that I am indeed okay... and all that jazz...

Work in progress, right?

Thursday, August 6, 2009

a symphony of snores

There are so many different creatures snoring around me, I'm not sure which one is coming from my husband...

I'm pretty sure the high-pitched, squeeky one is from our squishy-faced persian-ish cat Dusty, who is sleeping in the hallway.... and the one that vaguely sounds like a pigeon cooing is definitely from Molly, our big, chunky ball of fluffy-love kitty #2... but the other two snores are a toss up... one is the boy, and one is the pug...

It's a veritable symphony of snores around me. Joy.

I can't seem to sleep tonight (shocking!)... but at least I've been productive.

I just finished priming all the wood trim and the ugly wood-covered wall in the basement... I also sanded all the plastered spots on the basement walls, listed eleventymillion new things in my Etsy store, sent out annoying spam to my Facebook group members about a new special, watched a bunch of videos on Youtube, and thought about painting my toenails...

Okay... the last two weren't so productive, but it is quite a list for middle of the night on a Wednesday. Thankfully I do not have work tomorrow, as we are currently on holiday... enjoying a "staycation"... so if I do manage to get sleepy enough to actually fall asleep, I can stay in bed as late as I like... even if that means not dragging my butt out of bed until the pm... so there! How do you like that, evil insomnia gremlins!?

*groan*

I think I'm a little high from all the paint fumes.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Grace in small things part 37

  1. an evening of complete slothiness
  2. watching hours of tv saved up on the DVR
  3. eating food that is terrible for me
  4. snuggling on the sofa with the pug
  5. enjoying saying the made-up word slothiness. Sloth-i-ness. Slothiness!
I am participating in Grace in Small Things

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

not in stock

Allow me to preface this by saying that I have personally had a variation of this conversation with this customer at least a half dozen times in as many months... there are three other people at my soul-sucking cube job who are in the same position at me, so we can assume that they have dealt with him as well...

Me:
That item is non-stocked, Sir, so I will need you to send your P.O. in by fax.
Jerk-face: No.
Me: Sir, I cannot order the material in without a written purchase order, unfortunately.
Jerk-face: I can order all this other goddamn material, but YOU won't take my order for this sheet without it in writing... does that make any sense to you?
Me: I can only accept verbal orders for stocked items.
Jerk-face: Bullshit.
Me:Unfortunately we have to adhere to that policy because of other companies who have ordered material in, special order, and then refuse it when we bring it in, or deny ordering it, and we are unable to re-coup the cost, as we do not have written proof that the order was placed by them
Jerk-face: Even when the fuckin' company has been ordering from you for years? It's bullshit!
Me: Believe it or not, it is a continuous problem for us.
Jerk-face: I don't believe a damn thing you say
Me: silence...
Jerk-face: Fine. I'll fax it in.
Me: Have a good day Sir.

And then Jerk-face hangs up... and I sigh... and try to ignore the urge to strangle someone with the phone cord...

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Grace in Small Things: Part 36

  1. receiving a request for a custom order on my Etsy store
  2. picking the first ripe zucchini from my garden
  3. counting down to my vacation away from the dreaded cube job - 10 days to go!
  4. lemony yellow paint
  5. soft-serve ice cream (the kind where the vanilla and chocolate are swirled together... so good!)
I am participating in Grace in Small Things

Sunday, July 19, 2009

it is, after all, in you to give...

Can I donate blood, now that I am on these drugs? I should look into that... I have been itching to donate... for that feeling that I've done something really good for someone else I will never meet. Plus I feel a little obligated... when I was twelve I had my tonsils out... during the procedure I hemorrhaged pretty badly, and lost a lot of blood. I needed a transfusion. If someone else, who I've never met, hadn't donated blood... who knows?

For all I know, my blood might never be used... it might expire before it's needed, and get flushed away... medical waste. Or it might save a life. Several lives. I like to think that it is used... that it is really needed... that someone out there is now walking around because my blood is flowing through their veins.

It's a kind of high, the feeling of possibly changing a life... doing something really good, but thankless... does feeling good about it, and doing it for that feeling turn a selfless act into something selfish? Something sinister?

I am too cynical. I shouldn't feel guilty about getting joy from this... should I?

Or maybe it's that I am just a little off... after all, how many people think it's fun that they have possibly had a part of them touch someone else's heart... literally.

*insert rimshot here*

Saturday, July 18, 2009

I enjoy growing things

There is something very pleasurable about growing things. I like getting my hands dirty. I like the smell that tomato plants leave on my hands. I like knowing exactly what has gone into the food that I will eat, and that it grew because of my hard work.

I especially like it when I discover that one of the little bunches of green is finally growing something that actually resembles food... that's when it really pays off.

Behold! Broccoli:


Okay... so it's tiny, little, itty-bitty-baby broccoli... but it still feels good. Bet you've never seen such adorable broccoli before!

:)

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

She said comeover, comeover...

Tonight my only goal was getting out of my own head... so I put "Born Slippy" by Underworld on repeat, turned it way up, and I danced.

I spun in circles, and waved my arms around, and swung my hair from side to side... I laughed at how silly I must have looked, and I let go of everything.

I danced until I was exhausted and my lungs wanted to burst out of my chest... and then I collapsed onto my office chair and felt the blood rushing through my body as I caught my breath... I listened to my heartbeat pounding in my ears... and it was strong... it was good.

Friday, July 10, 2009

Grace in Small Things

I've been quite diligent about my participation in the Grace in Small Things challenge so far... but I don't think I can keep up this pace... posting every day is a struggle for me.

I am going to scale it back to less than every day, but as often as I can, and see how that works out... no stringent schedule, but instead a more organic flow of graciousness for the little things.

Why does using the word "organic" in a sentence like that make me feel like a yuppie?


I am participating in Grace in Small Things

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

still

I want to be still. I want to be gentle, and quiet, and soft. I want to sit, alone, and empty of worries, and without a "to do", and be okay with that.

I want to be calm, and peaceful, and serene.

I want to be untroubled without being lifeless, close-mouthed but not silenced. I want to be motionless without being stagnant. Restful. Stable.

I want to be still.

Grace in Small Things: Part 35 of 365

  1. the smell of garlic cooking
  2. the cool breeze pouring in my open windows
  3. the sound of Molly, one of my cats, snoozing: half purr, half snore, with a few intermittent squeaks
  4. snapping photos of sleeping cats
  5. painting an ice cream sundae, for no reason
I am participating in Grace in Small Things

Monday, July 6, 2009

anxiety

Last week I began taking serotonin-norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor drugs for depression and anxiety disorder. That's an awfully long-winded way of saying that I am on antidepressants... mood-stabilizers... crazy pills.

I haven't told anyone, and I made my husband promise not to tell a soul (so, naturally, I am blabbing about it on the internet...makes perfect sense!)... I have this self-imposed shame and stigma attached to taking medication for my anxiety issues... even referring to it as "my anxiety issues" feels foreign... like something I would not say... should not say.

Part of my brain (the calm, rational part) knows that this should not be a big deal... I tell myself that I'm an asshole for feeling like some sort of freak for needing medication to deal with my "issues"... as this means that I somehow think that other people who need simillar drugs for their own treatment must be freaks, by extension of this line of thinking... and I definately do not think that... Rationally speaking, I know that anxiety and depression are fairly common... pretty normal... and that people should do what they need to do to feel better and be able to function like they need to...

But part of my brain feels like this somehow makes me a "crazy person"... damaged... weak.

I should be stronger than this... I should be able to handle things... I've always been able to handle everything that life threw at me... I roll with the punches... I take care of business... I don't break down... and I certainly do not have anxiety attacks.

Afterall, what have I got to be stressed about? I have a wonderful husband... I have a job... I have a house... pets... friends... love... food in the fridge... fresh air... clean water to drink... I am happy.

I feel like I should not have anything to complain about... that so many people are far worse off than I am... afterall, most of my issues are "first world problems", and I should be thankful for what I have... right?

I have this internal dialogue that runs through my head when I start to feel sorry for myself... it goes something like this:

Crappy, dead-end job... pffft! that's nothing... evil co-worker... let it roll off your back... starting my own business as an escape plan from crappy job... I should be so lucky to have that opportunity... haven't had an actual vacation ever... neither have most working-class people, right? fertility issues? at least I have other options left to explore... issues from a very, um, complicated childhood... not a problem! It's in the past!

And on and on it goes... complaining makes me feel like a whiner... ungrateful.

I have always had that "keep calm and carry on" mentality... and that's my problem. Things don't bother me... I don't get "stressed out".

When the anxiety attacks started, I was convinced it was an asthma attack. The boy ran downstairs to get my ventalin, and I took two puffs... two more... but I couldn't breathe... and the steroids just made my heart race harder... my head was swimming... I was convinced that I was going to die.

I tried to convince the doctors that if it wasn't my lungs, that it must be my heart... I was sent for tests... and an EKG... the doctor tried to teach me some breathing techniques for quieting a panic attack... I was sure it had to be physical... It couldn't be mental... not me... I don't feel "crazy".

...

So here I am, a week into my new treatment... and I'm feeling a little better... a little calmer. I am supposed to start seeing a counsellor later this month, and aside from the waves of nausea as I get used to the medications, I think I'm feeling pretty good...

I am being forced to do some hard self-examination... exercise some demons... adjust my priorities.

This is a good thing.

Grace in Small Things: Part 34 of 365

  1. receiving a lovely wedding invitation in the mail
  2. flipping through our wedding photos and remembering the fun we had that day
  3. a ripe pear
  4. adding pages of lovely finds to my favourites list on Etsy
  5. spiral paper-clips
I am participating in Grace in Small Things

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Meet "Carmen"

Grace in Small Things: Part 33 of 365

  1. a fun dinner with fabulous friends
  2. good conversation over wine and beers
  3. sitting on the fabulous friends' backyard patio until sunset
  4. board games - such simple fun, but sometimes just right!
  5. long weekends
I am participating in Grace in Small Things

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Grace in Small Things: Part 32 of 365

1. a perfectly brewed cup of earl grey
2. brightly coloured post-it notes in lime green and hot pink
3. a good hair day
4. green tea & mint invigorating foot spray
5. a new pen

I am participating in Grace in Small Things

Friday, July 3, 2009

Grace in Small Things: Part 31 of 365

  1. having completed an entire month of taking notice of the little positive things in my daily life
  2. having a month's worth of lists to look back on when I need a little reminder of all the beautiful things in my life
  3. sleeping in... waaaaay in
  4. three shiny new books that the boy brought home for me as a surprise gift
  5. the smell of campfire

    (seems like someone in my neighbourhood is having a fire in their yard... or I suppose it might be indoors, in a fireplace as well... in any case, it smells lovely, and is making me want to roast marshmallows, and sit with my loved ones in a circle telling stories)
I am participating in Grace in Small Things

Thursday, July 2, 2009

On working for myself...

"It's a funny thing about life: if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it." - W. Somerset Maugham

I am very fond of the quote above... I plan to make it my reality. At least that's what I keep telling myself.

There are a few obstacles that I need to over come first, the least of all being our financial situation, and being able to secure some sort of a start up loan or coming up with another plan to get my initial working capital.

The biggest obstacle, of course, is my own fear. Hate it though I do, my little cubicle is a pretty safe place to be. The company might be affected by the recession, but I am really good at my job, and have confidence that my job is secure. I don't make a great deal of money, but it is consistent, and I have a great health plan, and RRSP's, and paid vacation, and all those lovely things that come from gainful employment.

The only problem is that when I get up in the morning, I instantly have this dreadful feeling in my stomach. If I think about the day ahead of me, of the conflicts I'm going to have to deal with, the certain individual who has taken it upon herself to make my day as difficult as possible, and the monotony of my daily tasks as a dutiful worker bee, the pressure in my chest grows and grows... sometimes I feel like I might be crushed under the weight of the anxiety I feel when I think about my job, and the dead-end road that I am currently on.

I am in a constant state of conflict with myself, because although I am so unhappy, I know that I should be thankful to even have a job at all. I get a paycheque every other week, and for that I am so grateful... the problem is that I don't get much else... at least not anything else positive.

When I think about working for myself, I get excited. I feel hopeful and energized. I feel as though I can accomplish anything. I know... I sound like an after school special on believing in yourself... you can do it champ! *wink*

I feel bad complaining about my situation at work, because it's not *that* bad, and I feel like I should just suck it up and be grateful for what I've got... but I want something more.

Do I have it in me to take that leap?

Grace in Small Things: Part 30 of 365

  1. a very ticklish baby neice
  2. baby belly laughs
  3. her tiny fingers grabbing my nose, or mouth, or cheek
  4. sunshine after a few days of dreary, rainy weather
  5. knowing that I can sleep in tomorrow... yay for long weekends!
    (my company decided to have us work yesterday, on Canada day, and instead moved the holiday day off to Friday)
I am participating in Grace in Small Things

yowch!


Apparently, walking across a sidewalk and onto a lawn is too complicated for me.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Grace in Small Things: Part 29 of 365

  1. rub-on maple leaf tattoos
  2. barbecued food as a proclamation of patriotism
  3. the look on a child's face when playing with a sparkler
  4. managing not to seriously injure myself, despite accidentally stepping in a hole and falling on my face... on the sidewalk... in front of an intersection full on onlookers
  5. being able to laugh at myself
I am participating in Grace in Small Things

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Grace in Small Things: Part 28 of 365

  1. yummy vegetable tempura
  2. a good, rational debate over a really polarizing topic
  3. a good nap
  4. homemade guacamole
  5. how excited the boy gets when I make my homemade guacamole
I am participating in Grace in Small Things

Monday, June 29, 2009

chartreuse

I want to write... I want to write good things... strong things... inspiring things.

I have a list.

I keep it in a chartreuse coloured moleskin on my desk. The pages are lined with rows upon rows of titles... fragments of ideas... quotes and lines from songs that I find poignant, and hope will inspire me to come up with brilliant words of my own.

But I don't.

I won't say that I can't... because I know that I can. I am capable.

I don't because I am afraid... I am afraid that someone will notice, and that they will read my words and disapprove. I am afraid that "they" will think that I am some sort of phony, wannabe writer... that my words are not worthy of others eyes.

I have so many things that I would like to write about... thoughts and experiences that I would like to share... because I know that so many people are going through life much the same as I am... and there can comfort in sharing these experiences... but I am afraid.

And I am envious.

I envy those women... those bloggers... who can express themselves with such clarity... such beautiful words... who can open their experiences and thoughts up to the scrutiny of the anonymous interwebs... their words are beautiful... and inspiring...

And I pale in comparison.

...

Wow... how's that for a pity party?

Grace in Small Things: Part 27 of 365

  1. appreciating the beauty in even a particularly menacing looking thunder cloud
  2. seeing compassion in the face of my doctor
  3. the boy holding my hand for most of the ride home in the car
  4. the dozens of songbirds in the trees around our house calling out, like my own private symphony
  5. a rainbow after a dreary day
I am participating in Grace in Small Things

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Grace in Small Things: Part 26 of 365

  1. the sound of rain falling softly
  2. wearing pajamas all day
  3. chocolate chip cookies
  4. watching videos of stand up comics on YouTube
  5. hearing the boy chuckle at the videos I'm watching
I am participating in Grace in Small Things

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Grace in Small Things: Part 25 of 365

  1. sassy polka dots
  2. buttery movie popcorn
  3. being highly entertained for two hours and twenty minutes
  4. a long line of Canadian geese marching like a little black and grey and white parade
  5. all the cars stopping to let the goose parade waddle across the road
I am participating in Grace in Small Things

Friday, June 26, 2009

Grace in Small Things: Part 24 of 365

  1. taking a drive with the windows down on a warm night
  2. the sweet smell of blooming flowers in the summer air
  3. the feel of cool wind on my skin
  4. doing that rolling wave thing with my hand in the air streaming past the car
  5. the boy singing along to the radio
I am participating in Grace in Small Things

intense pug


this face says that he is aware of the meat, and meat-related goods that are on the grill, and he will not hesitate to snap them up, should one happen to fall...

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Grace in Small Things: Part 23 of 365

  1. a quick storm that cut the humidity and heat
  2. adorable matryoshka doll patterned fabric
  3. rolling with the punches
  4. sitting on my sofa after a very long day
  5. 4 cats and a pug who are all happy to see me, and greeted me warmly
I am participating in Grace in Small Things

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Grace in Small Things: Part 22 of 365

1. my first request for a custom listing on my Etsy store
2. a question from Autralia, via the contact form on my website
3. my pepper plants are blooming
4. so are my zucchini!
5. Dusty (our ornery old Persian kitty) sporting his spiffy new lion cut, finally being comfortable in the warm weather

I am participating in Grace in Small Things

haunted

Sometimes I see her face on the driver of a car stopped across the intersection, or the woman pushing her cart through the grocery store parking lot, or someone waiting for a bus... in people's avatars... on models in magazines... as I'm flicking through the channels...

And then I do a double take... I look again... I flip back a channel... and it's not her... it couldn't possibly be her, of course, but someone who looks shockingly similar, or not at all... just a reminder of what a bad friend I was... of how I didn't try harder... how how I was afraid... of how I pushed her out of my mind... until it was too late.

Obviously my mind is trying to push my unresolved guilt issues to the surface and make me deal with my feelings about her death... or how I avoided her death... how I saw it coming... or that I was at least aware of the possibility of it happening, rather... and how I was too afraid to admit that I needed to try to contact her, and make peace... let her know that she was loved, at one time, and had been a big part of my life...

But I was selfish. I didn't try... I avoided it... I heard about her decline, and how she had given up fighting her horrible disease... and I didn't do anything. I froze... and I avoided... and I wallowed... and I thought about what would I say too late.

And now I am haunted.

By myself... by my guilt... by my grief... by my selfishness and cowardice.

So now I sit here with the ghosts of my non-decisions, and I wonder... I wonder if it will fade over time... I wonder if I deserve to have it fade at all.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Grace in Small Things: Part 21 of 365

1. enjoying a spoonful of peanut butter
2. watching a hummingbird landing on the perch of the feeder, to rest as he drank, instead of flitting away in a blur
3. "Three Cups of Tea" by Greg Mortenson and David Oliver Relin
4. cute hair pins with ladybugs on them
5. an hour spent sketching random silliness

I am participating in Grace in Small Things

Monday, June 22, 2009

On why I need to purchase a kiddie pool.

I really, really, really want to buy one of those blue vinyl (?) pools with the inflatable rings at the top. The boy is very resistant to this idea.

However... I think if we have a few more nights at this temperature, I may just bring him over to my side. It is currently a quarter to eleven at night, and it is 28 degrees celcius... according to the weather network, it feels like 31 with the humidity. Fun!

Neither of us are very good in very warm weather... I would rather be a touch too cool, and able to put on a sweater to make myself comfortable, than be too warm and need to lay sprawled in the nude with a fan pointing at myself to feel relief from the heat...

Don't picture it... your brain does not deserve to be assaulted with that imagery... lol

Not that it's quite that warm just yet, but I'm sure it's coming. That's the thing about the Canadian climate, it's almost always too cold or too warm... there is about a week in April and three days in October that are fantastic, and the rest of the year is pretty much crap.

So... kiddie pool... great idea, yes?

I can by no means afford and actual grown-up size pool, and I'm whiny, and pouty, and wilty in warm weather, so I think it's just what we need...

When I briefly lived with my father about eight or so years ago, he had a small above-ground aluminum pool in the backyard... it was about ten feet across, and barely three feet deep, but on humid summer nights there was nothing better than slipping into the cool water and just floating slowly in circles... face up, admiring the stars... only hearing the swishing sounds of my arms in the water, and the gentle hum of the filter... letting the darkness settle in all around...

It was so peaceful, and relaxing... and cooling...

*sigh*

Grace in Small Things: Part 20 of 365

1. cheesy crab dip
2. baked pita wedges
3. slushy alcoholic beverages
4. random European hits on my artwork and keepsakes site (how did they happen upon my work?)
5. snapshots of the boy and I, framed and hung on the wall

I am participating in Grace in Small Things

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Grace in Small Things: Part 19 of 365

1. the melodic lilt of Scottish accents
2. deep-fried pickles
3. re-potting my houseplants to give them more room
4. Epsom salts
5. a witty friend

I am participating in Grace in Small Things

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Grace in Small Things: Part 18 of 365

1. getting an email from my father that I know it took him more than an hour to compose, in his hunt and peck style
2. drinking tea from my favourite mug
3. listening to an entire album without skipping a song
4. take-out Chinese food instead of cooking after an especially long day
5. local strawberries in season

I am participating in Grace in Small Things

my boys


an adorable pair, yes?

Friday, June 19, 2009

Grace in Small Things: Part 17 of 365

1. sleeping in my own bed after many nights on an air mattress
2. realizing that our old, hand-me-down mattress is not in such rough shape after all
3. red wine
4. butter chicken
5. the smell of freshly mown grass in humid air

I am participating in Grace in Small Things

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Grace in Small Things: Part 16 of 365

1. feeling my niece kicking and shifting in my sister's belly
2. gerbera daisies
3. SPF 65
4. warm plaster all over my hands, cooling as it dries
5. making a big mess to create something lovely

I am participating in Grace in Small Things

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Grace in Small Things: Part 15 of 365

1. being in the company of my brilliant and adorable four-year-old nephew Matthew
2. taking pictures of our matching silly faces and poses
3. blowing bubbles
4. watching a four-year-old work out 5+4, and 2+7, and 3-2, and other problems we gave him, on his fingers
5. being a tickle monster



I am participating in Grace in Small Things

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Grace in Small Things: Part 14 of 365

1. watching the baby robins in the tree outside my back door mature
2. finishing a crossword puzzle in one sitting
3. finding a lovely little hole-in-the-wall pasta place, for lunch, near my work
4. penne a la vodka
5. grape soda pop

I am participating in Grace in Small Things

Monday, June 15, 2009

lovely baby bumps

We have had some of my family staying with us for a visit this weekend, and it has been lovely being able to spend time with them. They live 8 hours and 450+ kms away, so we don't see each other often. This was my sister and her family's first time to our "new" house, and I was pleased to have them all here to feed and fuss over for a few days.

My sister is currently pregnant with her second child, and wanted to commemorate the pregnancy by getting some nice photographs taken of her and her belly in all its glory... so I played make-up artist and photographer, and we spent the day in my backyard while Eric took Jon and Matty to a Jays game.

Below are some of my favourite shots... isn't she lovely, and beautiful, and a super-cute pregnant chick?

Grace in Small Things: Part 13 of 365

1. throwing an ice cream social at work, for charity
2. sunflowers
3. contemplating tattoo designs
4. crispy turkey bacon
5. remembering my postal code (a near miracle for me)

I am participating in Grace in Small Things

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Grace in Small Things: Part 12 of 365

1. spending the day photographing a beautiful lady
2. the Japanese maple tree in my back yard, which I inherited from the previous owners
3. soft-serve ice cream
4. reading the blogs of people far more interesting and eloquent than I am
5. hand-made greeting cards

I am participating in Grace in Small Things

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Grace in Small Things: Part 11 of 365

1. all the leaves on the trees the day after a big spring thunderstorm
2. pan-frying left over potatoes
3. how the boy tries to drop a new word he's learned into every conversation we have
4. sun flare (lense flare?) on a photograph
5. green earl grey tea

Friday, June 12, 2009

Grace in Small Things: Part 10 of 365

1. finding a $10 bill in the bottom of my purse, that I didn't know I had
2. cute shoes that aren't uncomfortable
3. "In our bedroom after the war" by Stars... such a good album
4. breakfast for dinner
5. going for a drive around town on a warm spring night

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Grace in Small Things: Part 9 of 365

1. fuzzy socks
2. a new notebook, with all its clean lined pages
3. french lilac bubble bath
4. an old inside joke
5. laughing until my sides hurt

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Grace in Small Things: Part 8 of 365


1. the tiny beginnings of tomatoes on my tomato plants
2. getting a phone call from my Grams at work, and how excited she was to have navigated the automated system to successfully get my extension
3. lighter than normal traffic on the 401, making for a quick commute home
4. earrings in the mail
5. a super affectionate tabby named Busy (cat # 4) wanting to shower me with kitty kisses (pressing her nose to mine)

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Grace in Small Things: Part 7 of 365

1. taking a little longer in the shower to enjoy the steam and the feel of the water on my skin
2. the sound of thunder directly over my house
3. having a little pug face nuzzled in my lap, looking for protection from the thunderstorm
4. not having to water my garden this week
5. getting positive feedback from a customer on Etsy

I am participating in Grace in Small Things

Monday, June 8, 2009

Grace in Small Things: Part 6 of 365

1. listening to my niece on the phone, telling me a story in toddler-speak, and having no clue what she is saying, but enjoying every second
2. a very enjoyable mix on the radio
3. buttery popcorn
4. a big tall glass of ice water when you're really thirsty
5. cherry-flavoured lip balm

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Grace in Small Things: Part 5 of 365

1. three extra snoozes in the morning
2. receiving a compliment from a client at work
3. handmade, grapefruit scented soap
4. listening to a mixed CD made many years ago
5. laughing at myself

Saturday, June 6, 2009

Grace in Small Things: Part 4 of 365

1. the smell of photo developing chemicals
2. the feel of thick pages in an old book as they slip through my fingers
3. two straight hours of uninterrupted reading
4. belly laughs from a baby
5. banana flavoured popsicles

Friday, June 5, 2009

Grace in Small Things: Part 3 of 365

1. extra-long hugs in the kitchen
2. fresh bed linens
3. delicately scented hand cream
4. the calls of mourning doves in the tree outside my bedroom window
5. strong coffee

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Grace in Small Things: Part 2 of 365

1. recipes from old magazines
2. my favourite red maryjane shoes
3. new photos of my nieces and nephews, up on Facebook
4. the cartoon network
5. cute stationary with a little bird on it

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Grace in Small Things: Part 1 of 365

1. chai tea
2. two random purple tulips that popped up and bloomed in the middle of my backyard
3. the colourful array of tubes and jars of acrylic paint that line my desk and bokshelf
4. a new 3b pencil
5. blending stumps... I heart blending stumps.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

On moving on over to Blogger...

I have had a livejournal since 2004, and I have recently lost interest in it... I have grown a little tired of the format, and the title, and of just how whiny (that spelling doesn't look correct, but who am I to argue with spell check?) many of my posts were... and the silly number of quizes and odd memes that populated my archives...

I wasn't motivated to post anymore; consequently, it has been about six months since I blogged anything...

I need a fresh platform and a new direction, so here I am! I am going to copy some of the recent(ish) posts over and back-date them, just so there is a little more content to start off with... so everything that is before this post we shall just assume is "from the archives"... cool?

Cool.