Wednesday, March 30, 2011

and what a month it has been

The time has come for me to declare defeat... I have officially failed at this blog challenge. At least I did post a bunch of new content for a while, and kept it up for nineteen days... but 19/30 is still a pretty crappy grade.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

birthday-shmirthday...

I'm supposed to be writing about my favourite birthday today, but here's the thing... I avoid my birthday, and choose to mostly ignore it. When I was younger, and believed in things like superstition, I used to think that September the 25th was a cursed day in general for me. A myriad of horrible things have happened to me on that day, year after year. I've had nastiness across the spectrum, from a seagull pooping on my French-braided hair at lunch time in high school, to learning the news of my grandfather's terminal cancer.

The last few years haven't been bad at all, consisting mostly of relaxed dinners with The Boy, followed by ice cream cake from DQ. However, I still don't like doing anything very interesting or exciting enough to warrant calling any of my birthdays as my favourite. I enjoy other people's birthdays, love baking cakes, cupcakes, and all manner of special treats for my friends and family on their birthdays, but having a big to-do for myself... meh. Not my thing.

Monday, March 21, 2011

my first kiss

I was a naughty little girl, and my parents tell me that I have been smooching on the boys since I could toddle myself over to them... yup. The first one I remember was Corey, we were five, and it was while playing in his basement, hiding from the babysitter. There was much giggling, as I recall.

My first "real" kiss (aka "French" kiss) was in eighth grade, under a jungle gym at the park, and there was too much saliva going on.

*shudders*

Yup. So that's that!

:)

Sunday, March 20, 2011

what dreams may come

Blargh.

So I fail at this blog challenge, that is clear enough. Friday's post was a cop-out, and then I missed yesterday's post, which was an additional "what I wore today" day, because I was visiting family all day... and it completely slipped my mind.

Today's topic is "my dreams". I'm not sure if it's meant to be about my goals/aspirations, or my nighttime forays into my own psyche, so I'm going to go with the latter.

Lately, my dreams have very clearly been centred around my anxiety. There have been elaborate labyrinths, puzzles, and nonsensical problems that need solving, and a cast of characters who are modelled mostly after my family. I have a tendency to try to analyze my dreams when I wake up and am still in the midst of that sleep fog, before the details disappear... I'm sure this only adds to my neurosis, but it is what it is.

We watched inception recently, and it reminded me of how often I experience lucid dreams. Very frequently, I will me in the middle of a completely crazy dream, and I will become aware that I am dreaming and will feel like I need to influence the dream or direct it a certain way in order to try to figure out what it is my subconscious is trying to tell me.

See how I over-analyze things, even when I'm not awake?

The topic of dreams, and why we dream, has always been very interesting to me. I enjoy reading about the research of sleep and the studies done on the sleeping brain. I find it so interesting to watch documentaries on the subject, or segments of NOVA that talk about sleep research. I like that we haven't really figured out why we need sleep yet, or how exactly dreams come about. I sometimes which I had tried a little harder in high school to focus on my maths and sciences, and become a neurologist or psychologist.

Years ago, I used to keep a notebook by my bed so that I could write bits of my dreams down before I forgot them, thereby being able to look up symbols and meanings in a dream dictionary and try to interpret things, but I have since given up this behaviour. Mostly because I feel like it is a silly, fruitless practice that only leads me to dwell on things that are best left as they are.

I am not a very good sleeper. It is difficult for me to fall asleep, and when I am woken up suddenly, either by a nightmare or a noise in the night, it is really hard for me to fall back asleep. There is always this track running in my mind of things that need doing, and things that I want to think about... and when the plot of a crazy dream is added to that, I can sometimes fixate on whatever it was about. I've noticed that since I've been on the Effexor, the dreams have been a little kookier than they used to be. Maybe it's a side-effect, or maybe it's just my brain trying to work things out and heal itself.

Who really knows?

Saturday, March 19, 2011

this week...

... has kicked my ass. I just finished up ten days straight of working some very long and varied shifts, and I'm beat. I think it's time for me to go to bed now... I promise that tomorrow's post will be better!

Nighty night...

Thursday, March 17, 2011

what's in your bag?

Conveniently, this week's topic on IBC is the same as today's blog challenge topic. I just finished filming my video for tomorrow, and this is the resulting mess on my desk:


Yup. Clearly I am a hoarder, but on a very small scale that is limited to the confines of my handbag. Yikes!

(Edited to add the video below)

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

my siblings

My family is a bit unorthodox and all over the place, and explaining my familial relationships can be a bit confusing... so hold on to your butts! ;)

My parents split when I was a few months old. My mom met the father of my younger half-brother and half-sister when I was about a year old. Though we grew up together, we were very different people in a series of very hard situations, and we had some rocky patches that drove us apart over the years. I used to leave for periods of time to go visit my dad, and there was some animosity over our different last names. I used to feel like the odd man out, because they look(ed) so much alike and shared more genetic similarities between them. I realize how silly this is, after all these years.

Despite our differences, there is this bond I share with them that I cannot explain. Maybe it comes from being scarred in the same way... or just the collection of memories that shaped us together.


The above photo is from Thanksgiving two or three years ago. The last occasion that we were all together for, I beleive.

My sister Andrea and I are really close now, and I consider her to be one of my very best friends. She is stunningly beautiful, and a wonderful mother to my nephew Matty and niece Olivia(with another on the way). She is my "baby" sister, and I am fiercely protective of her.


My brother Rick has grown up to be such a good dad to my niece Julia, and I really wish we could be closer. Both geography and the demands of day-to-day life keep that from becoming a reality.


When I was 22 I had a life-changing situation that you think only happens in movies. I found out that I had a half-sister who was just three years my junior, who had lived near my grandmother for much of her life, and we had no idea about each other.

As it turns out, when I was three, my father had been in a brief (rekindling of a previous) relationship with Jasmine's mother. They have known each other since high school, and have a long on-again-off-again history.


In 2005 (I think?) they got back together and after many revelations decided to have a DNA test done, which revealed that my father was also Jasmine's. The next year our father and Jazz's mother were married, and are still all shmoopy-goopy over each other to this day. Caren, my step-mother, also has three sons (Christopher, Joe, and Adam) from previous relationships, who are now my step-brothers.


It's quite interesting to me just how much Jazz looks like our dad, and how similar we are in personality, humour, and even hand-writing style, despite never knowing about one another when we were growing up. She is so sweet, and silly, and I love her to pieces. We've still got a lot of catching up to do, and a lot of lost time to make up for, but I love spending time with her and my newest little nephew Cameron.

<3

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

a fashionista, I am not...

Today I worked, so I didn't wear anything fun or especially exciting... Black pants, a blue/brown/white/cream/plaid button-up top with a ribbon that cinches it below the bust, over a blue tank top. Also, a brown headband and white sneakers.


This is riveting, no?

;)

Monday, March 14, 2011

my (lack of) beliefs

Today's topic for the blog challenge is meant to be about religious/spiritual beliefs, I believe (ha! see what I did there? Such a dork, I know.), but I am atheist, and therefore have none.

I could write dozens of paragraphs detailing all the points of religion and spirituality in general with which I disagree, but I feel like too often that sort of thing comes across as a confrontational manifesto, and that's just not my style.

Therefore, I present to you the following three quotes, which I believe will give you a good idea of my mindset.

"The good life is one inspired by love and guided by knowledge."
- Bertrand Russell

“There is grandeur in this view of life … from so simple a beginning, endless forms most beautiful and most wonderful have been, and are being, evolved.”
- Charles Darwin

"I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours."
- Stephen H. Roberts

Sunday, March 13, 2011

a moment



My cousin Kenny and I in 1987, just out of the bath, finding something my grandmother said to be utterly hilarious.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

(more than a ) few words.

I'm supposed to blog about my day today, but I'm kind of at a loss for words.

It's not that my day was awful, it was terribly average if anything... but my mood is sour, and my words are few.

I puttered around the house this morning, putting things in order, attending to errands that needed doing, then I headed off to work. It was steady, but not too busy, and I was able to close up shop pretty quickly.

I just can't shake this mood. I'm going to go ahead and blame my hormones. After three cycles on Clomid, I'm all out of whack and nothing seems to be going normally with my body this month. That has to be it.

After work I played with the dog a while before heading up to the office to check my emails before bed. I decided to have a look at my RSS feed reader. One of the woman I read is having twins. The jealousy hit me like a kick to the chest.

The mix of frustration, envy, anger and self-pity that I'm feeling sickens me. I don't want to be that woman who can't be happy for others who are more fortunate. The self-centeredness of my feelings is gross.

I don't know how to deal with this, but I know that I need to. I can't live my life this way... it is neither productive, nor healthy.

Huh. I guess I did have a few words after all.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

fresh and delicious

Now *this* is what I should have eaten for dinner yesterday, to make the food topic day of this blogging challenge more interesting!


Seeing as there are no rules that say I cannot post additional content outside the daily parameters, I'm going to go right ahead and tell you about it... it was too yummy and pretty not to share!

The recipe was from the April issue of Chatelaine, which arrived on Monday, and was full of colourful, fresh, spring-inspired recipes. Their food photography is always drool-worthy, but this recipe in particular stood out to me, and I needed to try it right away.


The recipe called for Boston lettuce and arugula, but I'm not a huge fan of arugula, so I substituted baby spinach instead. The rest of the yummy salad ingredients include sliced avocado, blanched snow peas, and bits of ruby red grapefruit, all topped with a seared fillet of simply-seasoned salmon, and a dill-grapefruit-garlic-dijon dressing.

SO GOOD!

My dutiful assistant Steve kept watch to ensure that any bits which fell to the floor were taken care of in a quick fashion.


I am entirely ready for winter to end and spring to begin so that I can start planting my veggie garden and be able to have many more salads like this to look forward to.


Definitely something I will make again. Yum!

love is...

Today's topic is a fairly easy one for me - "Your definition of love" - since I recently did an IBC video on that very topic!

And here it is, for your viewing pleasure!

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

pancake tuesday

It's day four of this blog challenge for me, and the topic of the day is "what you ate today". I really wish I had eaten something prettier, or at least more interesting, but it is what it is...

Today is apparently Shrove Tuesday, or Fat Tuesday, or Pancake Tuesday, or any-other-name Tuesday... and while I am atheist, and therefore do not celebrate the occasion (nor will I be embarking on a self-depriving ritual of any sort starting tomorrow), having a breakfast food for dinner is always something I can get behind!


For some reason, I always seem to burn the first batch. It's like, a rule or something.


The second batch went much better.


I was feeling pretty lazy tonight, so I didn't make them from scratch this time... it was an Aunt Jemima affair. I know... I know... I am a terrible Canadian for not having any real maple syrup kicking around.

Monday, March 7, 2011

my parents

Kim was sixteen and Peter was nineteen.



They brought me home from the hospital to Grams & Popa's already crowded duplex on Garth street in September of 1983. They were still kids themselves. They looked so young and full of promise when these shots were taken... they didn't yet know that their relationship only had three or four months left in it, and that there were some very difficult years ahead of them.

I wish I could remember them like this.

...


Day three, and I almost forgot to blog... it's too early in this challenge for me to flake on it already! ;)

Sunday, March 6, 2011

my first love

Love is an interesting thing. Looking back on past loves through experienced eyes, you can see clearly the difference between childish crushes and the real deal... but when you're in the thick of it, the all-consuming lust of a new relationship, or the acute longing for someone who doesn't reciprocate your feelings can seem like so much more than what they are. The intensity with which I've felt these things in the past has made me feel like I've been in love countless times... and maybe I was, in some way.

The thing is, looking back now and comparing all those feelings against the depth and breadth of my love for The Boy, is like comparing apples to oranges. As much as I may have thought I was in love, I don't think I ever truly was until I met him. I suppose that's why I married him... haha!

The first time I recall feeling I was "in love" was with a boy named Alec. I was six, he was a much more mature and wise seven-and-a-half. We used to play on the swings and the play-structure made of tires behind the complex in which we lived. I remember the way my cheeks would burn and how my little heart would flutter at the sight of his ginger hair and freckled complexion. I was certain that we would be married, and that he, an accomplished musician, along with our six children, would accompany me on my trips around the country as Canada's first female prime-minister (This was pre-Kim Campbell, of course).

But then my wee heart was broken, and my musical-political dreams crushed when we moved out of the complex and I transfered to a new school, never to see Alec again. I still have his second grade school photo in a box of mementos somewhere down in the crawlspace, and I come across it from time to time when I'm looking for something else. The messy inscription on the back still makes me smile.

It's been twenty-one years since I saw him, but I'm sure if I did I would know his face. I wonder if he remembers our time together, and if he still has those ruddy cheeks and mischievous smile?

Saturday, March 5, 2011

(re)introducing myself...

My name is Christine.

So. About me... I am from Guelph Ontario. That's in Canada. I have moved around a lot over my twenty-eight years, but chose to come back to Guelph where I now live with my husband and our menagerie of pets.

I am an artist, an activist, a sister, a daughter, a friend, a small business owner, and a lover. The role that I want more than any other is to be a mother. Sometimes the struggles that we (as in, the husband and I) are going through on our journey to parent-hood make me a little crazy. I'm working on that.



Making art is my passion, but I have always been fascinated by business and have felt driven to be my own boss. Sometimes that is not economically feasible. I'm working on that too.

I studied advertising in college. I am a huge fan of nerdy television shows and science documentaries. I love reading, photography, and organic vegetable gardening. I enjoy baking and cooking, and throwing back yard barbecue parties. I enjoy musical theatre, all manner of visual arts, and like to lose myself in music.

I feel like a giant narcissist having written so many sentences that begin with "I".



I know there's no way to adequately describe oneself in a blog post, but I think that summarizes things pretty well. I try to be an open book, so-to-speak, so if there's anything I haven't covered that you're dying to know, just ask!

:)

Friday, March 4, 2011

30 day challenge

I know that I have been neglecting this blog for quite some time, so, in an effort to remedy that I am flat out copying my friend Nellyphant, and doing a 30 day challenge, making myself post something each day. Hopefully that will help motivate me to get back into the swing of things.

Here is what you can expect for the next month:

Day 01 – Introduce yourself
Day 02 – Your first love
Day 03 – Your parents
Day 04 – What you ate today
Day 05 – Your definition of love
Day 06 – Your day
Day 07 – Your best friend
Day 08 – A moment
Day 09 – Your beliefs
Day 10 – What you wore today
Day 11 – Your siblings
Day 12 – What’s in your bag
Day 13 – This week
Day 14 – What you wore today
Day 15 – Your dreams
Day 16 – Your first kiss
Day 17 – Your favorite memory
Day 18 – Your favorite birthday
Day 19 – Something you regret
Day 20 – This month
Day 21 – Another moment
Day 22 – Something that upsets you
Day 23 – Something that makes you feel better
Day 24 – Something that makes you cry
Day 25 – A first
Day 26 – Your fears
Day 27 – Your favorite place
Day 28 – Something that you miss
Day 29 – Your aspirations
Day 30 – One last moment