Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Grace in Small Things: Part 28 of 365

  1. yummy vegetable tempura
  2. a good, rational debate over a really polarizing topic
  3. a good nap
  4. homemade guacamole
  5. how excited the boy gets when I make my homemade guacamole
I am participating in Grace in Small Things

Monday, June 29, 2009

chartreuse

I want to write... I want to write good things... strong things... inspiring things.

I have a list.

I keep it in a chartreuse coloured moleskin on my desk. The pages are lined with rows upon rows of titles... fragments of ideas... quotes and lines from songs that I find poignant, and hope will inspire me to come up with brilliant words of my own.

But I don't.

I won't say that I can't... because I know that I can. I am capable.

I don't because I am afraid... I am afraid that someone will notice, and that they will read my words and disapprove. I am afraid that "they" will think that I am some sort of phony, wannabe writer... that my words are not worthy of others eyes.

I have so many things that I would like to write about... thoughts and experiences that I would like to share... because I know that so many people are going through life much the same as I am... and there can comfort in sharing these experiences... but I am afraid.

And I am envious.

I envy those women... those bloggers... who can express themselves with such clarity... such beautiful words... who can open their experiences and thoughts up to the scrutiny of the anonymous interwebs... their words are beautiful... and inspiring...

And I pale in comparison.

...

Wow... how's that for a pity party?

Grace in Small Things: Part 27 of 365

  1. appreciating the beauty in even a particularly menacing looking thunder cloud
  2. seeing compassion in the face of my doctor
  3. the boy holding my hand for most of the ride home in the car
  4. the dozens of songbirds in the trees around our house calling out, like my own private symphony
  5. a rainbow after a dreary day
I am participating in Grace in Small Things

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Grace in Small Things: Part 26 of 365

  1. the sound of rain falling softly
  2. wearing pajamas all day
  3. chocolate chip cookies
  4. watching videos of stand up comics on YouTube
  5. hearing the boy chuckle at the videos I'm watching
I am participating in Grace in Small Things

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Grace in Small Things: Part 25 of 365

  1. sassy polka dots
  2. buttery movie popcorn
  3. being highly entertained for two hours and twenty minutes
  4. a long line of Canadian geese marching like a little black and grey and white parade
  5. all the cars stopping to let the goose parade waddle across the road
I am participating in Grace in Small Things

Friday, June 26, 2009

Grace in Small Things: Part 24 of 365

  1. taking a drive with the windows down on a warm night
  2. the sweet smell of blooming flowers in the summer air
  3. the feel of cool wind on my skin
  4. doing that rolling wave thing with my hand in the air streaming past the car
  5. the boy singing along to the radio
I am participating in Grace in Small Things

intense pug


this face says that he is aware of the meat, and meat-related goods that are on the grill, and he will not hesitate to snap them up, should one happen to fall...

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Grace in Small Things: Part 23 of 365

  1. a quick storm that cut the humidity and heat
  2. adorable matryoshka doll patterned fabric
  3. rolling with the punches
  4. sitting on my sofa after a very long day
  5. 4 cats and a pug who are all happy to see me, and greeted me warmly
I am participating in Grace in Small Things

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Grace in Small Things: Part 22 of 365

1. my first request for a custom listing on my Etsy store
2. a question from Autralia, via the contact form on my website
3. my pepper plants are blooming
4. so are my zucchini!
5. Dusty (our ornery old Persian kitty) sporting his spiffy new lion cut, finally being comfortable in the warm weather

I am participating in Grace in Small Things

haunted

Sometimes I see her face on the driver of a car stopped across the intersection, or the woman pushing her cart through the grocery store parking lot, or someone waiting for a bus... in people's avatars... on models in magazines... as I'm flicking through the channels...

And then I do a double take... I look again... I flip back a channel... and it's not her... it couldn't possibly be her, of course, but someone who looks shockingly similar, or not at all... just a reminder of what a bad friend I was... of how I didn't try harder... how how I was afraid... of how I pushed her out of my mind... until it was too late.

Obviously my mind is trying to push my unresolved guilt issues to the surface and make me deal with my feelings about her death... or how I avoided her death... how I saw it coming... or that I was at least aware of the possibility of it happening, rather... and how I was too afraid to admit that I needed to try to contact her, and make peace... let her know that she was loved, at one time, and had been a big part of my life...

But I was selfish. I didn't try... I avoided it... I heard about her decline, and how she had given up fighting her horrible disease... and I didn't do anything. I froze... and I avoided... and I wallowed... and I thought about what would I say too late.

And now I am haunted.

By myself... by my guilt... by my grief... by my selfishness and cowardice.

So now I sit here with the ghosts of my non-decisions, and I wonder... I wonder if it will fade over time... I wonder if I deserve to have it fade at all.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Grace in Small Things: Part 21 of 365

1. enjoying a spoonful of peanut butter
2. watching a hummingbird landing on the perch of the feeder, to rest as he drank, instead of flitting away in a blur
3. "Three Cups of Tea" by Greg Mortenson and David Oliver Relin
4. cute hair pins with ladybugs on them
5. an hour spent sketching random silliness

I am participating in Grace in Small Things

Monday, June 22, 2009

On why I need to purchase a kiddie pool.

I really, really, really want to buy one of those blue vinyl (?) pools with the inflatable rings at the top. The boy is very resistant to this idea.

However... I think if we have a few more nights at this temperature, I may just bring him over to my side. It is currently a quarter to eleven at night, and it is 28 degrees celcius... according to the weather network, it feels like 31 with the humidity. Fun!

Neither of us are very good in very warm weather... I would rather be a touch too cool, and able to put on a sweater to make myself comfortable, than be too warm and need to lay sprawled in the nude with a fan pointing at myself to feel relief from the heat...

Don't picture it... your brain does not deserve to be assaulted with that imagery... lol

Not that it's quite that warm just yet, but I'm sure it's coming. That's the thing about the Canadian climate, it's almost always too cold or too warm... there is about a week in April and three days in October that are fantastic, and the rest of the year is pretty much crap.

So... kiddie pool... great idea, yes?

I can by no means afford and actual grown-up size pool, and I'm whiny, and pouty, and wilty in warm weather, so I think it's just what we need...

When I briefly lived with my father about eight or so years ago, he had a small above-ground aluminum pool in the backyard... it was about ten feet across, and barely three feet deep, but on humid summer nights there was nothing better than slipping into the cool water and just floating slowly in circles... face up, admiring the stars... only hearing the swishing sounds of my arms in the water, and the gentle hum of the filter... letting the darkness settle in all around...

It was so peaceful, and relaxing... and cooling...

*sigh*

Grace in Small Things: Part 20 of 365

1. cheesy crab dip
2. baked pita wedges
3. slushy alcoholic beverages
4. random European hits on my artwork and keepsakes site (how did they happen upon my work?)
5. snapshots of the boy and I, framed and hung on the wall

I am participating in Grace in Small Things

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Grace in Small Things: Part 19 of 365

1. the melodic lilt of Scottish accents
2. deep-fried pickles
3. re-potting my houseplants to give them more room
4. Epsom salts
5. a witty friend

I am participating in Grace in Small Things

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Grace in Small Things: Part 18 of 365

1. getting an email from my father that I know it took him more than an hour to compose, in his hunt and peck style
2. drinking tea from my favourite mug
3. listening to an entire album without skipping a song
4. take-out Chinese food instead of cooking after an especially long day
5. local strawberries in season

I am participating in Grace in Small Things

my boys


an adorable pair, yes?

Friday, June 19, 2009

Grace in Small Things: Part 17 of 365

1. sleeping in my own bed after many nights on an air mattress
2. realizing that our old, hand-me-down mattress is not in such rough shape after all
3. red wine
4. butter chicken
5. the smell of freshly mown grass in humid air

I am participating in Grace in Small Things

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Grace in Small Things: Part 16 of 365

1. feeling my niece kicking and shifting in my sister's belly
2. gerbera daisies
3. SPF 65
4. warm plaster all over my hands, cooling as it dries
5. making a big mess to create something lovely

I am participating in Grace in Small Things

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Grace in Small Things: Part 15 of 365

1. being in the company of my brilliant and adorable four-year-old nephew Matthew
2. taking pictures of our matching silly faces and poses
3. blowing bubbles
4. watching a four-year-old work out 5+4, and 2+7, and 3-2, and other problems we gave him, on his fingers
5. being a tickle monster



I am participating in Grace in Small Things

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Grace in Small Things: Part 14 of 365

1. watching the baby robins in the tree outside my back door mature
2. finishing a crossword puzzle in one sitting
3. finding a lovely little hole-in-the-wall pasta place, for lunch, near my work
4. penne a la vodka
5. grape soda pop

I am participating in Grace in Small Things

Monday, June 15, 2009

lovely baby bumps

We have had some of my family staying with us for a visit this weekend, and it has been lovely being able to spend time with them. They live 8 hours and 450+ kms away, so we don't see each other often. This was my sister and her family's first time to our "new" house, and I was pleased to have them all here to feed and fuss over for a few days.

My sister is currently pregnant with her second child, and wanted to commemorate the pregnancy by getting some nice photographs taken of her and her belly in all its glory... so I played make-up artist and photographer, and we spent the day in my backyard while Eric took Jon and Matty to a Jays game.

Below are some of my favourite shots... isn't she lovely, and beautiful, and a super-cute pregnant chick?

Grace in Small Things: Part 13 of 365

1. throwing an ice cream social at work, for charity
2. sunflowers
3. contemplating tattoo designs
4. crispy turkey bacon
5. remembering my postal code (a near miracle for me)

I am participating in Grace in Small Things

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Grace in Small Things: Part 12 of 365

1. spending the day photographing a beautiful lady
2. the Japanese maple tree in my back yard, which I inherited from the previous owners
3. soft-serve ice cream
4. reading the blogs of people far more interesting and eloquent than I am
5. hand-made greeting cards

I am participating in Grace in Small Things

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Grace in Small Things: Part 11 of 365

1. all the leaves on the trees the day after a big spring thunderstorm
2. pan-frying left over potatoes
3. how the boy tries to drop a new word he's learned into every conversation we have
4. sun flare (lense flare?) on a photograph
5. green earl grey tea

Friday, June 12, 2009

Grace in Small Things: Part 10 of 365

1. finding a $10 bill in the bottom of my purse, that I didn't know I had
2. cute shoes that aren't uncomfortable
3. "In our bedroom after the war" by Stars... such a good album
4. breakfast for dinner
5. going for a drive around town on a warm spring night

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Grace in Small Things: Part 9 of 365

1. fuzzy socks
2. a new notebook, with all its clean lined pages
3. french lilac bubble bath
4. an old inside joke
5. laughing until my sides hurt

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Grace in Small Things: Part 8 of 365


1. the tiny beginnings of tomatoes on my tomato plants
2. getting a phone call from my Grams at work, and how excited she was to have navigated the automated system to successfully get my extension
3. lighter than normal traffic on the 401, making for a quick commute home
4. earrings in the mail
5. a super affectionate tabby named Busy (cat # 4) wanting to shower me with kitty kisses (pressing her nose to mine)

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Grace in Small Things: Part 7 of 365

1. taking a little longer in the shower to enjoy the steam and the feel of the water on my skin
2. the sound of thunder directly over my house
3. having a little pug face nuzzled in my lap, looking for protection from the thunderstorm
4. not having to water my garden this week
5. getting positive feedback from a customer on Etsy

I am participating in Grace in Small Things

Monday, June 8, 2009

Grace in Small Things: Part 6 of 365

1. listening to my niece on the phone, telling me a story in toddler-speak, and having no clue what she is saying, but enjoying every second
2. a very enjoyable mix on the radio
3. buttery popcorn
4. a big tall glass of ice water when you're really thirsty
5. cherry-flavoured lip balm

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Grace in Small Things: Part 5 of 365

1. three extra snoozes in the morning
2. receiving a compliment from a client at work
3. handmade, grapefruit scented soap
4. listening to a mixed CD made many years ago
5. laughing at myself

Saturday, June 6, 2009

Grace in Small Things: Part 4 of 365

1. the smell of photo developing chemicals
2. the feel of thick pages in an old book as they slip through my fingers
3. two straight hours of uninterrupted reading
4. belly laughs from a baby
5. banana flavoured popsicles

Friday, June 5, 2009

Grace in Small Things: Part 3 of 365

1. extra-long hugs in the kitchen
2. fresh bed linens
3. delicately scented hand cream
4. the calls of mourning doves in the tree outside my bedroom window
5. strong coffee

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Grace in Small Things: Part 2 of 365

1. recipes from old magazines
2. my favourite red maryjane shoes
3. new photos of my nieces and nephews, up on Facebook
4. the cartoon network
5. cute stationary with a little bird on it

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Grace in Small Things: Part 1 of 365

1. chai tea
2. two random purple tulips that popped up and bloomed in the middle of my backyard
3. the colourful array of tubes and jars of acrylic paint that line my desk and bokshelf
4. a new 3b pencil
5. blending stumps... I heart blending stumps.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

On moving on over to Blogger...

I have had a livejournal since 2004, and I have recently lost interest in it... I have grown a little tired of the format, and the title, and of just how whiny (that spelling doesn't look correct, but who am I to argue with spell check?) many of my posts were... and the silly number of quizes and odd memes that populated my archives...

I wasn't motivated to post anymore; consequently, it has been about six months since I blogged anything...

I need a fresh platform and a new direction, so here I am! I am going to copy some of the recent(ish) posts over and back-date them, just so there is a little more content to start off with... so everything that is before this post we shall just assume is "from the archives"... cool?

Cool.