Some things get better with time… others, not so much. For the most part, I don’t feel as though I have changed much, because it has been a slow progression… an evolution, or a regression, depending on the perspective I suppose… sometimes I feel so far apart from most everyone I love… so very different from them…
My head is not in the same space that it once was… at times I feel so certain that I know who I am, and what I want, and where I am going… but sometimes……
There are people in my life who I aspire to be like… the absolute picture of strength, and fun, and courage… living their lives each moment the way they want, without apology or excuse… and it terrifies me that I feel these people slipping away from me…
It’s so hard to find the time… to fit each other in amongst the working, the living, and the “prior obligations”… to put in the time required to maintain a relationship with another human being… and it is all the more difficult when your lives are heading in completely different directions, full speed ahead… when the activities you enjoy, your idea of downtime and recreation, are no longer the same… when the priorities have shifted… neither perspective or lifestyle is superior to the other… just very, very different…
I sometimes feel pushed away, kept at a distance… less important… unwelcome…but it is I who has isolated me… run off on a tangent that got away from itself…
I need to work harder to maintain connections… I need to resolve to be a better friend… I need to step outside my comfort zone, and find the time to make time…
It’s odd… 6 years after deciding to take control of my life, after having taken that giant leap and starting things over… deciding to put myself first, to work on me as a person, instead of me as part of a group… I am so afraid of being a single unit.
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