Grace in Small Things: Part 12 of 365

1. spending the day photographing a beautiful lady

2. the Japanese maple tree in my back yard, which I inherited from the previous owners

3. soft-serve ice cream

4. reading the blogs of people far more interesting and eloquent than I am

5. hand-made greeting cards

I am participating in Grace in Small Things

Grace in Small Things: Part 11 of 365

1. all the leaves on the trees the day after a big spring thunderstorm

2. pan-frying left over potatoes

3. how the boy tries to drop a new word he's learned into every conversation we have

4. sun flare (lense flare?) on a photograph

5. green earl grey tea

Grace in Small Things: Part 10 of 365

1. finding a $10 bill in the bottom of my purse, that I didn't know I had

2. cute shoes that aren't uncomfortable

3. "In our bedroom after the war" by Stars... such a good album

4. breakfast for dinner

5. going for a drive around town on a warm spring night

Grace in Small Things: Part 9 of 365

1. fuzzy socks

2. a new notebook, with all its clean lined pages

3. french lilac bubble bath

4. an old inside joke

5. laughing until my sides hurt

Grace in Small Things: Part 8 of 365

1. the tiny beginnings of tomatoes on my tomato plants
2. getting a phone call from my Grams at work, and how excited she was to have navigated the automated system to successfully get my extension

3. lighter than normal traffic on the 401, making for a quick commute home

4. earrings in the mail

5. a super affectionate tabby named Busy (cat # 4) wanting to shower me with kitty kisses (pressing her nose to mine)

Grace in Small Things: Part 7 of 365

1. taking a little longer in the shower to enjoy the steam and the feel of the water on my skin

2. the sound of thunder directly over my house

3. having a little pug face nuzzled in my lap, looking for protection from the thunderstorm

4. not having to water my garden this week

5. getting positive feedback from a customer on Etsy

I am participating in Grace in Small Things

Grace in Small Things: Part 6 of 365

1. listening to my niece on the phone, telling me a story in toddler-speak, and having no clue what she is saying, but enjoying every second

2. a very enjoyable mix on the radio

3. buttery popcorn

4. a big tall glass of ice water when you're really thirsty

5. cherry-flavoured lip balm

Grace in Small Things: Part 5 of 365

1. three extra snoozes in the morning

2. receiving a compliment from a client at work

3. handmade, grapefruit scented soap

4. listening to a mixed CD made many years ago

5. laughing at myself

Grace in Small Things: Part 4 of 365

1. the smell of photo developing chemicals

2. the feel of thick pages in an old book as they slip through my fingers

3. two straight hours of uninterrupted reading

4. belly laughs from a baby

5. banana flavoured popsicles

Grace in Small Things: Part 3 of 365

1. extra-long hugs in the kitchen

2. fresh bed linens

3. delicately scented hand cream

4. the calls of mourning doves in the tree outside my bedroom window

5. strong coffee

Grace in Small Things: Part 2 of 365

1. recipes from old magazines

2. my favourite red maryjane shoes

3. new photos of my nieces and nephews, up on Facebook

4. the cartoon network

5. cute stationary with a little bird on it

Grace in Small Things: Part 1 of 365

1. chai tea

2. two random purple tulips that popped up and bloomed in the middle of my backyard

3. the colourful array of tubes and jars of acrylic paint that line my desk and bokshelf

4. a new 3b pencil

5. blending stumps... I heart blending stumps.

On moving on over to Blogger...

I have had a livejournal since 2004, and I have recently lost interest in it... I have grown a little tired of the format, and the title, and of just how whiny (that spelling doesn't look correct, but who am I to argue with spell check?) many of my posts were... and the silly number of quizes and odd memes that populated my archives...

I wasn't motivated to post anymore; consequently, it has been about six months since I blogged anything...

I need a fresh platform and a new direction, so here I am! I am going to copy some of the recent(ish) posts over and back-date them, just so there is a little more content to start off with... so everything that is before this post we shall just assume is "from the archives"... cool?

Cool.

Happy Holidays!

Don't I look... er... jolly?

tee hee.

too young... too late.

Two days ago, a woman who was one of my very best friends when I was a child passed away. She would have been 25 years old next month.

We met in grade four, when I was the new kid in town, and she was another awkward nine-year-old. We gravitated toward one another, as the fringe members of our clique... not quite cool enough to stand out, but close enough friends with this pair of gorgeous twin sisters who were the queens of our little group, that we managed to survive high school with the tiniest bit of social relevance in our little teen-aged world.

She was funny, and bold, and had this mix of confidence and self-consciousness that made her wonderful and charming. She had a giant smile, and these lovely, deep brown eyes with gorgeous long lashes. She never hesitated to stand up for her friends, and was the first one to jump in head-first... but she never seemed to stand up for herself, often cracking self-deprecating jokes about how she would never escape our crappy little town... about how she would never shine as bright as the rest of us...

But I beleive that she could have out-shone us all, if she'd had a few more opportunities... or a different set of circumstances in her life... or maybe just a little push in the right direction...

But I'll never get to tell her that... not now... and I never seized my chance.

I found out months ago about her cancer... cervical cancer... when my mom would call, she'd try to tell me about how it was spreading, about how the outlook wasn't good... about how I should give her a call... but I avoided it.

We weren't friends anymore, and I didn't know what I was suppose to call her and say...

A year after high school, just near the end of my first year at college, I had a falling out with one of the gorgeous twin queens... it was the culmination of months of issues and arguments, and I had decided that I'd had enough. I packed all my belongings and ran away to start my life over.

I completely cut my ties with our entire group of friends... what had been our high school clique, but was much older, and deeper... I decided to forgo another messy fight, and escape what had been an endless cycle of the same old arguments...

I moved away, and started from scratch... I did a lot of thinking, and dreaming, and got myself to a place where I was really comfortable in my own skin, and for once I wasn't a part of our little group... I wasn't a girl on the fringe... I realized that I didn't really like who I was before, and that I don't think I was really as happy as I was always trying to be... not until I made it on my own... not until I wasn't standing in anyone's shadow any longer...

I made new friends, and had a new job, a new home... I met the boy... things were good.

I didn't want to go back... I couldn't bring myself to break through the wall that I had built between my old life and my new world... a wall that had taken seven years to build.

In short - I was selfish.

I was afraid of how I would be opening myself up to that whole bag of things that I had run away from... that I would be forced to deal with everything and everyone... that there would be all this anger still... or worse, fake sweetness...

There were times when I almost picked up the phone and called... but I stopped myself... I was afraid that even if I did get the courage to make that call, that she would be insulted... that she would be too proud, and be insulted that I had only seen fit to call her because she was sick... that she would think that I was only calling out of pity...

And so I chose to remain detached... part of me was in disbelief that she would actually succumb to her disease... she was only 24! So young... and in my mind's eye, still a strong and vibrant girl, with mousy brown hair and a sparkle in her eye... calling out to ride shotgun... or sitting beside me in the backseat, smoke in hand, laughing and grinning, as we rode around aimlessly on a summer night...

And now I am overcome with regret... with horrible guilt and remorse... how could I let her leave this world without a word about how much I had loved her?

I have this pain in the pit of my stomach, and this lump in my throat and my head is swimming, and I am completely awash with anger at myself for being such a coward.

snapshots of a lovely autumn day

Step One! (one... one... one)

Behold! A sea of fangirls:


This is my friend T... say "Hi T!"


She's brings the awesome wherever she goes... even if where she goes is to a New Kids On The Block Concert at the ACC... with me... for my birthday... because, apparently, it is 1989... or something like that...

It was actually a lot of fun... we know how I love the cheese... and they certainly did not disappoint in that department! Lots of silliness, and wind machines, and terrible choreography... We both enjoyed the evening... even if the screaming was a tad on the loud side...

best photo EVAR!

The lovely Miss Julia, and the intrepid Mr. Matty, hamming it up for Auntie Christine... couldn't you just pinch them?

A New Niece!

I have a new niece... and she is perfect, and tiny, and beautiful!

Her name is Alina, and she was born yesterday to my sister-in-law Rhodora, and her husband Jamal.

Of particular note: she has the most kissable little forehead... and nose... and fingers... and I could just eat her little toes.

Behold:

what I want right now...

… is to be in a booth in a coffee shop somewhere, sipping on a ridiculously expensive coffee with lots of foam, just chatting with T, or T, or A, or any of my close ladies… commiserating about everything going on in our lives right now… having a sounding board for all the garbage floating around in my head… just feeling normal, and in control, and a part of something unconditional.