Another beautiful photo of a healthy infant, carefully swaddled, sleeping peacefully. Another shot of one of my friends, grinning widely, hands placed on their swollen abdomens just so, accentuating the beauty of their impending motherhood.
I am genuinely, lovingly happy for them. I am so pleased by their wonderful news! And yet...
My heart aches with loss and stings from jealousy. I do my best to contain those feelings as I wish them all well, because indeed I do. My grief does not colour my happiness for them, it only serves to remind me of the losses we've had and the experiences that we won't get.
I keep getting to a place where I think I am at peace with our infertility, but there are days when I've just had enough of being happy for others and I need a little time to feel sorry for myself. I need to cry, or write, or paint... whatever it takes to get the pain out of my heart, and out of my mind, and stop it from tearing me down.
I need to refocus. Be productive. Move forward.
I need to beleive that this gets easier with time.